


Touch

by DirtyLilGreaseMonkey



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Mention of scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-14 16:37:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 37,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7180574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey/pseuds/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For as long as he could remember Aaron had hated being touched. His life is about to be turned upside down by the arrival of a certain blonde.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys so this is a multi chapter AU fic, I'm thinking around 12 chapters but there may be more as I am really enjoying writing it.

For as long as he could remember Aaron had hated being touched. Not just hated it, it caused such a physical reaction in him he avoided contact with people full stop. Maybe he had experienced some kind of childhood trauma that he’d blocked out or the minor issue of his Mum abandoning him or maybe it was just the simple fact that he didn’t much care for anyone, not even himself, all he knew was that it had always been there, that need to not be touched.

Of course it hadn’t been easy, still wasn’t but he’d learnt how to manage it, built up defences against it, from the way he dressed to the way he spoke, it was all designed to put people off, so they didn’t even want to get to know him let alone touch him. There were days when he needed help, he was human after all and there were two people that he could remember that he’d ever allowed to touch him; only under extreme circumstances. His Mum was one, even though she had abandoned him as a child they had somehow managed to move passed that and now they lived together. She didn’t understand it, his condition, but she accepted it with the help of the local vet and her boyfriend at the time Aaron came to live with her, Paddy. Aaron had never met anyone like Paddy before. He was a gentle giant, who wouldn’t hurt a fly and as Aaron got to know him he began to trust him, even after his Mum cheated on him and that trust was enough to allow him in when needed. It was actually Paddy that encouraged him to see a therapist. Naturally he’d refused at first, he wasn’t crazy, but in the end having a ‘diagnosis’ helped. The therapist worked with him to find coping mechanisms, a lot of it centred on him keeping calm through breathing techniques and it was nice to learn he wasn’t the only one who felt like this.

There had only ever been one other person that Aaron had desperately wanted to allow in but he’d pushed him too far, touched him too soon and Aaron had ended up punching him so hard his tooth had fallen out. That kind of put an end to whatever Aaron had been hoping for, so now, he just plodded around Emmerdale destined to a live alone which he was still coming to terms with. The need others had for contact was innate and because Aaron couldn’t enjoy that he often felt isolated. His condition was difficult for people to comprehend and his rejection of touch was often seen as a rejection of the person offering the touch. Thankfully he had a couple of great friends in Vic and Adam and his family, though they didn’t fully understand even after Paddy had sat them all down and explained, accepted him, his Uncle even got him a job at the garage which Aaron loved. Cars were far easier than people anyway. Because of his condition the rest of the village saw him as a thug, always using his fists if someone got too close; tinkering under the hood of a car was Aarons escape. In time the village learned how to interact with him without setting him off and he finally managed to settle into a normal life, well as normal of a life someone like Aaron could expect. That was until a certain blonde walked into the pub. 

Aaron had just finished a hard days graft at the garage and fancied a pint before hitting the shower. He looked a right mess, somehow he’d managed to get oil all over the front of his white t shirt even though he wore overalls, it seemed his hands were permanently engrained with dirt and no matter how many times he washed them there was always dirt under his fingernails but he didn’t care as he picked up the cold beer his Mum had just pulled for him.

“Cheers,” he said as he brought the glass to his lips and sighed as he felt the familiar froth cover his top lip which he promptly licked clean.

He took a long gulp as he sat down in his usual spot and drew his bottom lip into his mouth to savour the taste of the bitterness. Hearing the pub door open his eyes automatically found the person who entered hoping it was Adam or Vic having come to keep him company, instead as he looked up his teeth bit sank further into his lip at the sight in front of him. Tall, blonde and dare he say it handsome, the newcomer entered as if he owned the place. He oozed confidence, something which Aaron himself lacked making him immediately irritated at the newcomers presence. As Aaron took another swig of his beer his eyes still locked on the blonde at the other end of the bar their eyes met and Aaron couldn’t help notice the sparkle the blondes eyes contained and when he smiled it sent a shiver down Aarons spine. His fingers began to tingle with need and for the first time in his life he wanted to touch someone, not just somebody, him, he wanted to touch him. The thought scared him so much he jumped to his feet so rapidly the stool he had been occupying went flying and all eyes turned to him. His Mum span around at the commotion, the newcomer ignored, seeing the panic across her sons face she began to fret,

“Aaron love what’s wrong?”

“Nuffin,” Aaron huffed his eyes glued to the blonde man stood behind her who was still smirking at him.

Aaron clenched his fists and closed his eyes, what was happening? His Mum must have noticed something was seriously wrong because she came as close as she dare and asked again,

“Son?”

He could hear the fear in her voice and he hated himself for it. He spun on his feet and practically ran up the stairs to his room, taking them two at a time before throwing himself on his bed, the blondes smile burnt to the back of his eyelids.

*

“He alright?” Robert found himself asking after Aaron had ran from the room, even though he had no idea who the lad was or why he felt the sudden urge to check on his well being.

“Yeah just me son, what can I get ya love?” Chas asked looking at the stranger properly for the first time, her eyebrows pulling together as she tried to place his face.

“Robert?” she questioned it had been years since she'd seen him.

“Chas right?”

Chas nodded enthusiastically and beamed as she pulled him a pint.

“That was your son just now?”

“Yeah our Aaron,” Chas replied before quickly dismissing anymore conversation about the intriguing brunette.

“What are you going back her then?” she quizzed patting his arm and placing his pint in front of him.

“thought it was about time I came back checked on Vic you know how it is,” Robert quipped before taking a sip of his drink.

“Was gonna ask Debbie for me old job back actually,” he added; that wasn’t his original plan but he’d seen the lad, Aaron, had oil stains on his shirt and assumed that he worked at the garage so it couldn’t hurt to get to know him a little better.  The panic that crossed Chas' face didn't go unnoticed.

“If she’s still…..” Robert started worried he’d somehow managed to out his foot in it, he’d been gone for so long perhaps something had happened to Debbie.

Chas recovered quickly and the unease on Roberts face seemed to finally register.

“Of course she’s still…” she exclaimed.

And as if they planned it Debbie burst through the door.

“Debs,” Chas shouted in greeting,

“Look whose back.”

“Hi Debbie,” Robert said awkwardly offering his hand not sure how he was supposed to greet the mother of his niece and nephew.

“Long time no see Robert,” Debbie smiled brushing his hand away and pulling him in for a hug which took them both by surprise.

“Yeah suppose it is, how are the kids?” Robert asked, he’d heard from Vic about Sarahs illness, she kept him updated on important things like that.

“Good thanks.”

“Was gonna come and see you later actually, any chance you need an extra pair of hands in the garage? I could use the cash,” Robert added a little sheepishly.

Debbies eyes flashed with panic as she turned to Chas, as if to ask permission.

“Am I missing something?”

“No!” they both protested at the same time.

“Could do with the help,” Debbie admitted looking at Chas shrugging in apology.

Robert was definitely missing something and somehow he knew it had everything to do with Aaron, which made the grumpy brunette even more intriguing in Roberts eyes.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank your for reading, check back soon as I am hoping to update every few days all being well <3


	2. Two

Robert woke late the next morning which wasn’t surprising as he’d been up half the night explaining to Victoria why he was back in the village convincing her to let him stay, although it didn’t take a lot to get her to agree, she was just happy to have her big brother back. With a quick shower and fresh pair of jeans he was ready to face what was left of the day. He headed over to the garage figuring now was a good a time as any to see if Debbie had meant what she said last night; at least that’s what he told himself as he checked his appearance in the little square pane of glass of the garage door just in case a certain brooding mechanic happened to be working.

“Hello.”

The sound of Roberts voice made Aaron jump so much so he cracked his head on the bonnet above him.

“Fuck!” Aaron mumbled making Robert smirk but as he looked at him the smile faded as concern for the man in front of him took over.

“Oh God are you okay, you’re bleeding.”

Debbie looked up from the paperwork she’d been buried in when she heard Aaron swear, hyper aware of him whenever he was working. It was when her eyes found him she noticed the trickle of blood running from his temple and Robert was closing the distance between himself and Aaron causing her heart rate to increase. She’d once seen Aaron react to being touched and it had scared her so much she often found herself uncomfortable in his presence, but he was family and family meant everything to the Dingles. As she became aware of the impending situation unfolding in front of her she panicked. 

“Dad!” Debbie screamed; she didn’t know what else to do.

Robert stepped closer to Aaron his arm outstretched as if to touch him, Aaron could practically see the electricity leave his fingertips as his long fingers came closer to his face causing him to hyperventilate. As much as his body wanted him to close the gap between them, he recoiled from his touch automatically; thankfully Cain swooped in and grabbed Roberts arm before his fingers could connect with Aarons temple.

“Leave him alone,” Cain barked gruffly his voice full of aggression.

“Alright calm down, I was just trying to help,” Robert held his hands up defensively.

“Well don’t!” Cain spat, shoving Robert before turning his attention to his nephew.

Robert stumbled but couldn’t take his eyes off Cain as he spoke to Aaron,

“You okay?”

“Fine,” Aaron puffed as he tried to remember to breathe; in and out, in and out.

“Are you sure, what me to get your Mam or Paddy?”

Aarons face burnt with embarrassment when his eyes briefly met a bewildered Roberts. He was a grown man why should he need his Mum?

“Is….. _breathe_ ….it….. _breathe_ …….bad?”

“Bad enough,” Cains eyes flashed to Roberts.

“Paddy,” Aaron said after a beat his breathing returning to normal

“N-not me Mum, she’ll…..she’ll worry.”

“Don’t move,” Cain instructed him.

“And you!” Cain turned back to a stunned Robert wagging his finger in his face,

“If I ever see you near him again……”

“Cain,” Aaron warned.  

“What?” Cain protested his innocence; Aaron shook his head.

“Fine,” he scoffed before going in search of Paddy, Debbie hot on his heels, leaving the two strangers alone.

Aaron didn’t dare look up at Robert he could feel the burn on his face, ashamed of what just happened. The one thing he liked about Emmerdale was that it was small so everyone knew about him, but how was he supposed to tell this stranger? In the end he didn’t have to because Paddy came rushing in.

“What the hell happened?”

“My fault,” Robert admitted quietly.

“And who the hell….” Paddy started looking at the newcomer,

“Oh right, Robert isn’t it, Diane’s son?”

“Step son actually but yeah,” Robert nodded not sure why he’d felt the need to clarify the difference.

Paddy bent down in front of Aaron, close enough to have a good look at his wound but far enough away as to not touch him.

“Can I?” he asked pointing to his head.

Aaron inhaled sharply his eyes flicking up at Robert before he nodded.

“I’ll just look ok nothing else,” Paddy promised.

Aaron gave a slight nod and turned his head so Paddy could check him over, the familiar wave of nausea washing over him as he felt Paddys warm breath across his skin. Robert watched on with fascination, why was everyone treating this grown man like a small child?

“I think you need to leave now,” Cain announced startling Robert; he’d been so wrapped up in the young mechanic he hadn’t even heard him return.

Cains booming voice distracted Aaron momentarily allowing Paddy to assess his wound without having to worry about how he would react.

“It’s okay, he needs to know,” Aaron managed to get out before he realised just how close Paddy was and the need to wrap his arms around himself took over; he retreated, pulling himself further back into the corner of the workshop.

“Know what?” Robert asked softly following Paddys lead.

“Right,” Cain grabbed Roberts arm and spun him around so they were facing each other; Robert had to fight the urge to turn his head towards Aaron,

“If you are gonna work here….”  

“If?” Robert questioned; he’d talk to Debbie the night before, he knew it had been a brief chat but he thought it was a done deal.

“Yes if,” Cain yanked on his arm to emphasise who was in charge,

“you need to know that you can’t touch him, ever.”

“Why would I wanna touch him?” Robert gulped; was it that obvious he liked him?

“He’s got hapa….something,” Cains brow furrowed when he couldn’t recall the exact term.

“What?” Robert stared at Cain; nothing he was saying made sense.

“Oi Paddy what the hell is it again?”

“Haphephobia or Aphenphosmphobia depending on the day,” Paddy said casually as if he’d said those unfamiliar words, to Robert anyway, a hundred times before.

“Am I supposed to know what that means?”

“It just means you don’t touch him got it,” Cain hissed at Robert, his stare unrelenting until Robert held his hands up in defence, still not really understanding but knowing that whatever was going on with Aaron it was serious enough for the people closest to him to panic.

As if he was putting on a demonstration he heard Aarons breathing change, his eyes automatically drawn towards the younger man, who was hyperventilating again. Somehow he had managed to drag himself into the very corner of the workshop and by the looks of it he was having a tough time focusing on anything.

“Aaron I’m gonna have to,” he heard Paddy say in that soft sing song voice he used before.

Aaron screwed his eyes shut as he tried to swallow around his thick tongue.   

“Breathe Aaron, come on, deep breaths in and out,” Paddy instructed.

In the blackness Aaron once again tried to recall his breathing techniques and slowly his breathing returned to a semi normal state. He opened his eyes and focused only on Paddy.

“Leave,” he huffed out before shutting his eyes again.

“Aaron I need to…” Paddy started.

Eyes still tightly closed, he lifted his sweaty hand and pointed what he hoped was behind Paddy, indicating he needed the others to leave if he was gonna allow Paddy to touch him.

“Oh right,” Paddy nodded and turning towards the three concerned faces he said,

“Give us a minute guys okay.”

“Course,” Cain grunted and practically man handled Robert out of the workshop.

“Is he okay?” Robert asked when they were outside, genuine concern in his voice.

“He will be,” Debbie worried, her teeth chattering and not from the cold.

“Come here,” Cain opened his arms up and pulled his daughter into an embrace,

“He’ll be fine okay,” he reassured her kissing the top of her head.

“They’re gone Aaron,” Paddy assured him when he was sure they were alone.

Aaron opened his eyes and found Paddys staring back at him only a few feet away.

His breathing which he’d gotten under control hitched up again as he asked,

“Do you have to?”

“You know I wouldn’t if I didn’t need to.”

Aaron just nodded.

“Here,” Paddy offered him an alcohol wipe by moving it across the floor between them with his index finger.

“You clean it up and then we can decide if it needs looking at, okay?”

“Okay,” Aaron muttered.

Paddy automatically moved back as Aarons hand reached out for the small packet he’d left on the floor, and he couldn’t help give him what he hoped was a grateful smile. His head was pounding as he ripped open the packet the strong smell of alcohol causing a wave of nausea to rise up in the back of his throat. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth just as he’d been taught as he brought the wipe to his temple, hissing at the contact but relishing the coolness of it against his flushed skin.

“Well?” he asked as he cleaned the wound as much as he could without a mirror, turning his head to allow Paddy to see the full extent of his wound.

“You’ll live,” Paddy laughed, it wasn’t as bad as he first thought, the gash was small and looked clean so he laid out a small dressing and pushed it towards Aaron.

“This should sort you out, no touching necessary.”

Aaron breathed out a sigh of relief,

“Thanks Paddy.”

“No worries, maybe take the rest of the day off eh?”

“I’ll be fine,” Aaron brushed off his concern.

“Okay,” Paddy said his worry clear in his voice,

“Pint later?”

“Sure,” Aaron gave him a small curl of his lips as he watched him leave.

Aaron stayed on the floor for a few more minutes before he felt strong enough to stand up. He found the small mirror Debbie kept in the office and set about fixing the dressing in place when he noticed Cain stood at the door.

“You okay lad?

“Sorry,” Aaron said guiltily, he hated causing a scene.

“Don’t be daft, and besides from what I hear it was his fault anyways.”

“Just startled me that’s all,” Aaron told him adding,

“He’s gonna be working here then?”

“If that’s alright with you,” Debbie asked cautiously as she came to stand next to her dad, concern for Aaron plastered all over her face,

“If not just say the word.”

“It’s fine Debs, could do with the help actually,” Aaron laughed hoping his cheeks weren’t as red as they felt at the possibility of spending his work days in the presence of Robert Sugden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its a bit later than planned, had some serious internet issues last night!!


	3. Three

Cain had told Robert to get lost and come back tomorrow after whatever the hell happened with Aaron so Robert didn’t have much choice but to spend the rest of the day worrying about the young mechanic. His afternoon was spent exploring the outskirts of Emmerdale much like he’d done when he was a teenager running away from his Dad. He followed the stream up and round the village; he’d forgotten just how tranquil the quiet Yorkshire dales could be but as he headed back towards Keepers Cottage his thoughts were once again consumed by Aaron, he couldn’t seem to get the brunette off his mind and the earlier scenes that had taken place in the garage. As soon as Robert got home and after answering another round of endless questions from his little sister he pulled out his laptop opened his internet browser and Googled the words Paddy had used to describe what had happened with Aaron, where he found the following information.

According to Wikipedia Haphephobia was a rare phobia that involved the fear of touching or of being touched. Another site defined Aphenphosmphobia as ‘the morbid and irrational fear of touches or being touched. People with this phobia absolutely despise any sort of physical contact. Furthermore, this does not only refer to those who hate being touched, but it also refers to people who fear touching others.’

So Aaron hated to be touched, hated touching people if he’d understood Paddy’s pronunciation correctly. Not only did he hate it he feared it, well according to the material he was reading anyway. This posed a problem for Robert; he’d liked Aaron since he’d seen him run out of the pub on the first day he’d arrived back in the village; was that only yesterday; but what was he supposed to do with this new information? Perhaps he would have to ask his sister and that stupid boyfriend of hers. Fascinated, he carried on reading and found that Aphenphosmphobia could also lead a person to go into a full blown panic attack if they are touched. Was that what he’d witnessed today, a panic attack? The more he read the more everything began to fall into place. The changes in Aarons breathing, the way he’d seemed to fold in upon himself, the terror he had seen in those deep blue eyes. He sat back and stared at the words on the screen running his hand through his hair how was he supposed to interact with Aaron now, the only person he’d been even remotely attracted to in months was the one person who happened to hate to be touched. Before he saw Aaron again tomorrow he needed to know more and decided to have a chat with his sister. As he wandered down the stairs he thought about how he’d pose the question in the end deciding being direct was his best option if he wanted to get any sleep that night.

“Vic tell me more about Aaron.”

“Aaron?” Vic looked up from her magazine squinting curiously up at her brother.  

“Yeah that's his name right? The mechanic,” Robert knew he’d got the right name but added for clarity,

“The one that lives at the pub.”

“Yeah that's Aaron,” Vic smiled as he thought about her best friend and as she stared up at Robert her mouth fell open in surprise as she noticed how his face had softened as he'd mentioned his name.

“You like him?” Vic asked sitting forward a sudden giddiness to her movements.  

“What?!” Robert exclaimed as he cheeks turned red.

“You like him don't you?” Vic teased. 

How did Robert put this without totally embarrassing himself in front of his little sister,

“I...erm...find him intriguing if that's what you mean.”

“So you do like him,” Victoria pressed dragging her brother to sit with her on the sofa.

Victoria was the only one he’d told about his life away from the village and how much it had changed him, she was probably the only person to know him completely and right now he was glad about that because he didn’t have to explain when he breathed out his answer,

“Yes.”

Vics face broke into a grin at just how open Robert was with her and even though they’d stayed in contact over the years shed missed him.

“I’ve missed you ya know.”

“I know but I’m here now,” he told her bringing her into his arms; it felt good to hold someone again but that thought brought back to why he’d come down to talk to Vic in the first place.

“So…” he continued keeping his hands on her shoulders as he asked hopefully,

“Aaron?”

He saw the panic cross her face in the same way it had on Chas’ when he’d asked about a job at the garage.

“Rob……” she started her voice strained before he interrupted her with what he already knew,

“I know he’s…………..different.”

“That’s an understatement,” Vic mumbled under her breath; she loved Aaron but even she had to admit being his friend came with complications.

“I’ve never met anyone like him Vic,” Robert said and the awe in his voice made her reach out and squeeze his hand sympathetically which puzzled him.

“Rob the thing about Aaron is you can’t…”

“Touch him I know,” he sighed sadly,

“Cain practically threatened to kill me if I tried to again.”

“You touched him?" Vic shrieked the accusation clear in her tone.

“No!” Robert defended,

“He was bleeding and I just tried to help.”

“Is he okay?” Vic worried as she thought about the last person he’d seen trying to touch Aaron,

“Are you okay?” she added but couldn’t see any visible damage to his face.

“Yeah, yeah,” Robert brushed off her concern focusing on Aaron,

“Someone came to look at him his dad I think.”

“Paddy,” Victoria smiled fondly, she assumed it had been Paddy and for all intense and purposes he was Aarons dad.

“There are things you have to know about Aaron rob,” Vic warned sitting up a little straighter in the hopes he’d take her seriously, the last thing she wanted was either of them to get hurt.

“I know he has a condition, a phobia whatever just tell me Vic,” Robert almost pleaded, she’d never seen him act like this before, over anyone let alone someone he’d just met, she found it rather endearing but she wouldn’t betray her friend.

“Aaron is my friend Robert.”

“I know Vic and I want……,” he countered stopping himself; what did he want from Aaron, to be friends? To be more? But how could he be more with someone who didn’t want to was even scared to be touched; he didn’t know but he’d vowed to himself to find out but for now he opted for,

“I just want to get to know him that’s all.”

“Then talk to him,” Vic instructed like she didn’t know how hard it was to talk to someone like Aaron.

“That’s it that’s all you’ve got?” Robert sighed as he sank further back into the sofa.

“He’s my friend Robert,” Vic reminded him.

“But I’m your brother,” he pouted but he was no use.

“Yes yes you are but I can’t betray him rob not after everything he’s been through, if you want to get to know him than just be his friend.”

“Friend?” Robert mouthed the word like it was a foreign language.

“Can you do that?” Vic asked sincerely.

Robert wasn’t sure he’d ever really had a friend before apart from Vic and well she kind of had to being family and all, but he wanted more than that with Aaron didn’t he. Vic saw the indecision cross her brother’s face and smiled sadly,

“Friends Rob, start with friends.”

“I…..I don’t know how,” Robert replied honestly.

“Talk to him, get to know him,” she prompted smiling at him fondly.

“Can’t you just tell me?” Robert groaned impatiently.

“It doesn’t work like that Robert, if you really like him be his friend.”

Friend? How did he be someone’s friend? He thought about using Google again but decided against it, if he ever wanted Aaron to trust him he had to do this himself so that night he went to bed his thoughts once again consumed by the young mechanic and the ways he could get him to be his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loving this, hope you are too! Let me know what you think here or tumblr - starkidsarah


	4. Four

The next day armed with his new found knowledge on all things Aaron thanks, less to Vic and more to Google, Robert headed for his first full day back in the world of manual labour, the fact that Aaron would be there the only saving grace. Vics words repeated over and over again in his head _‘be his friend, be his friend’_ as he made his way up the gravel drive. His breath hitched as he walked right in on Aaron stepping into his overalls, the stretch of his muscular arms showing off a strip of skin just above his waistband. Robert licked his lips at the sight of the dark hair that disappear into his jeans before turning away shocked he’d been so obvious in his staring but thankfully Aaron hadn’t noticed him yet. He took a few deep breaths to compose himself before announcing his presence with a cough and a mumbled,

“Morning,” avoiding the blue eyes he could now feel on the back on his head as he pulled his own overalls on.  

For some reason Aaron was grateful Robert had come back, he’d spent the whole night before worrying he’d never get to see him again, that his little performance yesterday would have put him off for good; he’d even declined Paddys offer of a pint knowing he would’ve been too preoccupied thinking about Robert. Aaron couldn’t help it as his eyes roamed over the blonde’s body taking note of the fluid movement of the taut muscles in his back as he shrugged into a matching pair of overalls.

“Morning,” Aaron offered in a rush when he realised he’d been staring with answering back and just when he thought Robert was never going to look at him he turned; his lean frame coming to face Aaron, who tried his best not to blush at the first sight of the tall blonde in his tight blue coveralls.

This time though when Aarons eyes found Roberts he saw something he didn’t expect to see in the sparkling blue he’d seen in the pub a few nights ago, uncertainty and Aaron hated it. Hated that it was him that had put it there. Normally when faced with that Aarons first reaction was to lash out in self-defence but something about Robert was different, the way he felt around him; and this was only his third time in the same room as him, the other two they hadn’t even spoken; he wanted to explain what happened but Robert spoke before he had chance to.

“I’m sorry, about yesterday, I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not, I shouldn’t have tried to touch you,” Robert asserted firmly.

“You didn’t know,” Aaron shrugged,

“How could you, you just did what anyone else would have done, I’m…..,” he swallowed,

“I’m just not like other people.”

“No you’re not,” Robert marvelled before he gave Aaron a shy smile and turning to get on with the days work.

They worked in silence for a good thirty minutes before Robert couldn’t stand it any longer; he had to say something, anything, but what? 

“Easier than people aren't they?” Aaron heard Robert say as he picked up a wrench that was on the bench next to his workstation.

“Sorry mate?”

“Cars, cars they’re easier than people,” Robert stuttered causing Aaron to laugh; what had happened to the cool confident Robert from the pub the other night? His stomach flipped as he thought that perhaps it was him causing Robert to lose his cool, swashing the thought down as soon it crossed his mind, no one would ever think like that about a freak like him.

At least he was smiling Robert thought as he wished the world to open up and swallow him, why was he so nervous? Normally he could charm to pants off anyone, literally, but there was something about the seemly shy brunette that had his tongue tied. 

Aaron took pity on the bumbling fool and offered,

“Brew?”

To which Robert replied,

“Please,” with a sign relief and came to stand next to Aaron, the back of his thighs resting against the worktop his ankles crossed as he watched Aaron intently.

“Mate do you mind.”

“What? Sorry? Am I too close?” Robert asked curiously, he’d chosen this position purposefully so he was far enough away from Aaron but still close enough to notice the dirt under his fingernails and the small scars covering his forearms.

“No,” Aaron laughed, 

“But you are stood in front of the fridge.”

“Oh shit sorry,” Robert grumbled and turned away trying to hide his reddening cheeks.

“And don't worry, you'd know if you were too close,” Aaron reassured him.

“Really? How?”

“You saw me yesterday right?” Aaron frowned.

“Of course,” Robert wouldn’t forget it in a hurry.

“Well it's like that only worse,” Aaron informed him before asking,

“How do you want it?”

“Want what?” Robert creased his brow in confusion the small gesture causing Aaron to smirk. 

“Your tea ya muppet.” 

“Oh yeah,” Robert mumbled shaking his head of the flurry of questions he wanted to ask Aaron, 

“Milk and two please.”

“Just how I like it,” Aaron joked.

Aaron set about making the tea but kept his eye on Robert just in case he did in fact get too close but he never did, always kept himself at a safe distance even when Aaron offered him the mug he waited patiently for Aaron to set it down before reaching out for it; it was as if Robert was in tune with him even though they’d only just met, the thought making Aarons knees suddenly weak for reasons he didn’t quite understand.

Robert wondered if he'd done something wrong when he noticed Aaron staring at him curiously, 

“What?” 

“Nuffin,” Aaron huffed with a small smile deciding honestly was probably the best policy with Robert,

“It’s just, you’re taking this a lot better than most people.”

“Well I'm not most people,” Robert pointed out with a wink.

“No you’re not,” Aaron repeated Roberts words from earlier, even the shy smile to go with it.

“I do have a question though if that's alright,” Robert asked over his tea.

“Go on then,” Aaron prompted his stomach tightening as he recalled the insensitive questions he’d had to deflect in the past.

Robert cleared his throat not sure if this was appropriate, 

“So I did some research.” 

“Research?” Aaron questioned his eyes widening in surprise.

Robert clenched his jaw he'd already said too much.

“Yep on your….” he didn't know how to put it without being condescending, he took a few seconds before he decided on, 

“Your phobia.” 

“Oh right,” Aaron almost sneered he thought Robert understood. 

Robert noticed Aarons face and backtracked,

“You know because we are gonna be working together and stuff I just thought I should know what was going on with you,” Robert rambled the last thing he wanted to do was reveal how he felt.

“You could have just asked,” Aaron grunted.

Robert sighed apologetically,

“That's what I'm trying to do now.” 

Aaron didn’t reply, just nodded for Robert to continue.

“Is it just the guy from yesterday, the vet, your dad that you let touch you.”

It was such an intimate question Aaron was a taken a back,

“Oh…okay, right…wow,” Aaron spluttered.

“Forget it, sorry I asked,” Robert said taking his mug and heading back to the fiesta he'd been working on thinking he’d blown it before he’d even started.

“Robert wait.” 

Robert stopped when he heard his name, he loved how it sounded coming from Aaron and wondered how it would sound in the throes of passion.

_‘Friend’_ Vics voice rang through his mind.

Shaking his head to dismiss the thought, he knew he didn't stand a chance but that didn't stop him hoping. 

“No one’s ever asked before,” Aaron mumbled towards Roberts back his whole body ached as he willed himself not to take a step towards him afraid what it would mean if he did.

“Why?” Robert blurted out before he could stop himself turning to face Aaron

“I guess no one’s ever really been bothered about it before.”

_‘I’m bothered!’_ Robert screamed in his head but he didn’t want to scare Aaron away so he stuttered,

“Oh…right well… it's just..if er that happens again I want to be….prepared you know that's all.”

“Yeah I get it, what you saw yesterday must have freaked you out a little.”

“No…” Robert started not wanting to offend Aaron but knew he had to tell the truth he added,

“Maybe a little,” with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Understandable a grown man freaking out about a little blood,” Aaron joked but Robert could see the pain behind his words.

“But it wasn’t just that was it,” Robert pressed.

“No,” Aaron looked away from Robert, from the need, the tingling want spreading through him every moment he spent in his company and after what he'd witnessed yesterday Aaron guessed he owed him some sort of explanation.

“You tried to touch me,” Aaron whispered.

“And you didn’t want me to?” Robert quizzed his voice so soft Aaron had to strain to hear him.

His words brought Aarons eyes up to Roberts his mouth hanging open as he searched for a response because he had wanted Robert to touch him, wanted to be touched and the thought terrified him.

Robert watched as Aaron closed his mouth, his eyes following the bob of his adams apple as he gulped and he couldn’t help but notice the skin underneath the young mechanics designer stubble turning a shade darker as he answered,

“No,” before turning back to his work. 

Robert stared after him for a few moments before spinning around and back to his own work; every minute he spent with Aaron he just found him more and more fascinating.


	5. Five

The rest of the day they was spent in relative quiet the pair of them taking it in turns to steal glances over at the other when they thought they weren’t looking, always keeping at least few feet between them which was easy as they were working on separate cars. But as the day drew to a close Robert wasn’t ready to let Aaron go, there was still so much he wanted to know about the younger man, so he as he stripped out of his overalls he asked as casually as he could,

“Pint?”

“Ya what?” Aaron spat in surprise.

“You fancy a pint?” Robert clarified.

“With you?” Aaron laughed to cover up his sudden hesitancy.

“Yes,” Robert nodded with a smirk,

“We are gonna be working together thought we should get to know each other.”

“Erm,” Aaron chewed on his bottom lip at the thought of spending the evening with Robert,

“I need to shower,” he blurted out.

“You look alright to me,” Robert flirted automatically before realising what he’d said,

“Erm what I meant was I’ll just meet you over there yeh? See ya in a few,” Robert called over his shoulder willing his cheeks to stop burning as he rushed off leaving a dumbfounded Aaron to watch him leave.

*

“Good day love?” Chas asked as Aaron walked through bar.

“Alright.”

“Sugden not giving you any trouble is he?” Cain piped up from his position at the bar.

“Robert?” Chas remarked.

Aaron shot Cain a look that told him to keep quiet,

“No why would he?”

“After yesterday…oh” Cain stopped as he realised what Aaron was trying to wordlessly tell him.

“What!” Chas puzzled as she looked between the two of them.

“It’s fine,” Aaron brushed off his eyes boring into Cains in warning but it was too late.

“One of yous best start talking,” Chas ordered wagging her finger between her brother and her son.

“It was nothing alright, Paddy sorted it,” Aaron reassured her.

“I did what?” Paddy interrupted stepping up to the bar.

“Great,” Aaron rolled his eyes and with a dismissive wave of his hand he left the three of them to no doubt discuss what had happened in the garage the day before.

“Oi you,” Chas called as soon as Robert walked through the door.

“Hello to you too Chas,” he smiled in return as he approached the bar.

“Stay away from him ya hear me.”

“You’re gonna have to be a bit more specific,” Robert smirked smugly knowing exactly what she meant.

“Watch it sunshine,” Cain warned.

“Oh I’m guessing you mean Aaron and it’s gonna be pretty hard seen as though we are working together.”

“You know what I mean,” Chas reaffirmed.

“Do I?” Robert feigned innocence with a shake of his head before his mouth fell open as Aaron appeared from the back room, clearly having just showered, wet curls stuck to his forehead only added to his appeal, Robert had to swallow hard at the sight of him. His closed his eyes briefly willing his body not to react to Aaron but it was hopeless he could already feel the arousal beginning in the pit of his stomach.

“I’m warning you,” Chas said through gritted teeth but Robert wasn’t listening, he was too distracted watching Aarons tricep bunch up under his tight green jumper as he pulled himself a pint his eyes finding Roberts as he brought the glass to his lips, the blonde audibly gulping as he watched the bob of his adams apple before Aaron tilted his head towards an empty booth in invitation.  

“Your mum is…,” Robert started as he took the seat opposite Aaron figuring putting the table between them was a good way to keep his distance.

“Tell me about it,” Aaron rolled eyes bringing his pint to his lips again sighing as the bitterness hit the back of his throat.

“So…..”

“So?”

“You lived here long?” Robert frowned not sure what else to say plus surely he’d remember Aaron from his last visit although it had been almost a decade since his Dads funeral.

“A few years,” Aaron laughed at the question causing Chas to glare at them from behind the bar.

“What about you what you doing back here?” Aaron questioned; Vic hadn’t told him much she’d just been excited that her big brother was back.

“Missed Vic didn’t I,” Robert shrugged as he took a swig of his drink.

“What about Andy?” Aaron asked purely out of curiosity.

“I forgot what it’s like,” Robert smiled avoiding the question as he brought his pint to his lips taking another sip.

“What’s that?” Aaron managed to ask as he watched Roberts tongue dart out of his mouth to lick the foam from his top lip.

“This place, everyone knows everyone’s business,” Roberts eyes wandered around the pub in emphasis.

“Well Vics not really said much about you,” Aaron told him in a disappoint tone which he regretted instantly as Roberts face lit up.

“And whys that?”

“Dunno,” Aaron raised his shoulders in a slight shrug his knuckles turning white as he held onto the glass in front of him the tingle in his hands kicking up a knotch now he could see the tinge of green in Roberts eyes.

“Maybe I asked her not too,” Robert smiled seductively his fingers drumming on the table edging closer to Aarons with each tap of his fingers; he hadn’t asked Vic not to say anything but he was suddenly grateful that she hadn’t.

Aaron was mesmerised for a few seconds, his breath hitched in his throat as Roberts fingers inched closer to his, his body buzzing, his own fingers tingling with the unfamiliar feeling of want.

“Aaron?” Robert looked at him expectantly like he’d asked a question Aaron hadn’t heard and as his eyes focused again he knew he had to get away from him, to clear his head; he jumped up startling Robert so much his glass ended up on its side slipping its remaining contents across the table.

“Aaron what’s wrong?” Robert panicked replaying the last few moments again in his head trying to work out if he’d done something to make Aaron want to run away.

“I’ll see ya tomorrow,” was all Aaron offered in explanation before he disappeared behind the bar leaving Robert to stare after him.

“What did you do?” Chas hissed as she came over to wipe the table.

“Nothing,” he cried honestly in reply and he hadn’t, all he’d wanted was to get to know Aaron, to know the man behind the phobia but perhaps that was more of a challenge than he had first thought.

*

The next day he arrived at the garage early and was making a brew when Aaron walked in. He still wasn’t sure what had happened between them the night before, neither of them where it seemed but it was enough to make Aaron want run away and for some reason Robert felt like he owed Aaron an apology even though he wasn’t sure what he’d done wrong

“Sorry,” he said in greeting placing a mug on the side and stepped back to allow Aaron to take it for which Aaron was grateful.

“Is this gonna be a regular thing now?” Aaron joked trying to make light of the uncertainty between them.

“What?” Robert mumbled when he realised Aaron had asked him a question, he’d been distracted watching Aaron blow across his tea to cool it down before bringing the mug to his lips.

“One of us apologising to the other.”

“Looks like it,” Robert said with a sad smile wrapping his hands around his brew before his eyes found Aarons,

“I’m really am sorry,” he still didn’t know what he’d done wrong but knew that if he had any chance with Aaron he had to take Vics advice,

“I want us to be mates.”

“Mates?” Aaron felt deflated and he didn’t know why.

“If you want,” Robert held his breath waiting for Aarons answer desperately hoping Aaron wanted more.

“Sure,” Aaron shrugged in agreement he hadn’t wanted anything from Robert but now Robert had defined their relationship he couldn’t help the disappointment that spread across his face as Robert turned away.

 


	6. Six

The next few mornings Robert arrived early to make them both a brew before the day started. It was nice, those few moments they got to spend alone together before Debbie, or worse Cain showed up interrupting them but Robert couldn’t help wanting more even though he had been the one to bring up the mates conversation.

On the fourth day as he placed Aarons mug on the side, the one with the monkey on it, he finally build up the nerve to ask Aaron out for lunch.

“You fancy the café later?”

“Eh?” Aaron grunted over his shoulder as he pulled on his overalls.

“Café for lunch my treat,” Robert smiled sweetly at him which was enough to make Aarons palms itch with want.

“Whatever,” Aaron answered as blasé as he could manage at the thought of Robert buying him lunch.

“Is that a yes then?” Robert asked nervously for some reason needing Aaron to acknowledge the invite.   

“Jeez if it will get ya to shut up then yes but you’re paying,” Aaron chuckled before sucking his bottom lip into his mouth, something Robert had noticed he did whenever he was nervous.

“Of course,” Robert smiled with relief.

“You two actually gonna do any work today or what?” Cain called from the office.

“Keep ya knickers on,” Robert mumbled under his breath, to which Aaron laughed, the sound of that laugh sending a tingle down Roberts spine.

*

“Oi muppet,” Aaron called from across the room, but Robert didn’t hear him so he threw a rag at the blonde instead.

“Hey!” Robert called as the oily rag hit his face.

“You coming for lunch or what?”

“Oh right yeah,” Robert smiled at Aaron wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand, remembering his promise to buy lunch.

He used the rag Aaron has so rudely thrown at him to clean his greasy hands before dropping it on the bench as he made his way to an amused looking Aaron.

“What?” Robert dropped his eyes down examining himself expecting to find the source of Aarons amusement but when he didn’t his cast his eyes up and caught Aarons whose were glistening with tears as he laughed at Robert.

“What?”

“You have…” Aaron stepped forward closing the gap between them to just a few inches, Robert had just enough time to register the fact that this was the closest they’d ever been before Aarons eyes locked with his.

“You have oil on your forehead,” Aaron smiled shyly up at him through his dark lashes.

“And you don’t like it?”  Robert teased wanting to close the gap between them but daren’t, afraid Aaron would run away again.

Aarons breath audibly hitched in his throat as something unspoken passed between them. 

“Didn’t say that,” Aaron whispered as he cheeks flushed red.

“Aaron,” Robert reached out letting his hand drop, the moment was gone Aaron was already backing away and he promised himself that he would make Aaron see that being close to him wasn’t a bad thing, that in fact it could be good for both of them.

“You coming?” Aaron quizzed when he saw Robert was still standing by the car he’d been working on all morning.  

“Yep,” Robert nodded as he moved forward comfortably falling into step beside Aaron.   

Paddy stood a ways back having witnessed the scene unfold between the two of them having come to ask Aaron if he fancied a lunch at the pub, now though he was plagued with worry as he watched the pair head into the café together, he’d never seen Aaron stand as close as he had with Robert and he knew he had to talk to Aaron about it and soon.  

*

After their shared lunch things seemed to slip into place with regards to their friendship, Aaron made sure to arrive early too so they could spend time getting to know each other over their morning brew before they started work. They mostly kept to safe topics, like what cars they liked, what music they were into, what films they watched that sort of thing but the more they talked the more Aaron yearned to learn more about the older man. They also learnt how to navigate around the garage without coming into contact with each other, much to Roberts annoyance but to Aaron Robert respected his boundaries and he was grateful if not a little disappointed at the distance between them. However, in the days they spent getting to know each other the more time they spent together made Robert realise he wanted Aaron to be more than a friend so when Vic invited him out to the pub the next evening informing him Aaron would be there too he jumped at the chance as Aaron had been on a call out all day so they hadn’t seen each other.

Roberts heart was beating fast at the prospect of laying eyes on the younger man for the first time that day realising with sudden clarity how much he’d missed him as he choose an outfit made to impress, blue jumper, leather jacket and tight jeans. He was a ball of nerves as he headed over to the pub but as soon as he laid eyes on Aaron he visibly relaxed.  He made his way over to the table, glad his sister had left a space for him next to Aaron.  They’d become such good friends Robert did it without even thinking, sliding into the booth to take the free seat next to Aaron after ordering a drink.  

“Mate,” Adam warned but Robert ignored him instead picked his pint up and took a swig.

He wasn't doing it to be rude or obnoxious like Adam assumed he'd done it to prove to Aaron that being close to him wasn't as bad as he thought, he recalled the last time they were in the pub and it hadn’t ended well so he made sure he wasn't touching him and he'd left what he hoped was an appropriate gap between their legs but even he could sense how tense Aaron was when he placed his glass back on the table.

Aaron had been silently pleased when Vic told him Robert would be joining them, it was the first day in almost a week they hadn’t spent together and Aaron realised he had missed the blonde, his palms aching at the thought of him. But as Robert took the seat next to him Aarons senses went into overdrive, he didn't know what Robert was trying to do, maybe prove that he was okay with Aaron and everything that came with that but he wanted him to stop, everything about Robert overwhelmed him and he didn’t trust himself. Just like they had the first time they shared a drink he eyes became unfocused as he watched Robert, his breath started to become shallow and he wanted to run, not from the obvious but from his own fear, the inevitable feeling of need to reach out whenever he was near Robert.

Victoria noticed Aarons behaviour, the change in his breathing and tried to get her brothers attention with a swift kick under the table.

“Hey,” Adam cried as Vics foot connected with his shin.

“Sorry babe,” she mumbled only to be interrupted by Aarons sudden movement.  

“I just…” Aaron stood up and Robert once again not knowing what he’d done to offend Aaron reached out for his arm automatically wanting to apologise but a hand on his stopped him.

It took a moment of staring at his sisters hands to process what he'd done.

“Shit Aaron I'm sorry,” Robert pleaded with his eyes, hoping Aaron knew he would never have touched him.

“It's fine,” Aaron mumbled before he rushed off behind the bar.

“Fuck,” Robert swore under his breath and placed his head in his hands.

Vic nodded at Adam telling him to move out of the way, he looked at her the confusion clear on his face before he followed her gaze to Robert across the table, head still in his hands.

“Oh,” he mouthed and moved out of the booth so she could take the place Aaron had vacated.

“I'm so stupid,” she heard him say.

“It's okay Rob, it just takes some getting used to that's all.”

“But I've done it again Vic pushed him too far,” Vic looked up at Adam to see if she knew what he was talking about but he just shook his head.

“He'll be alright just give him some time okay, it took us years just to be able to sit at the same table with him,” she said once again kicking Adam under the table nodding at him to add his reassurance.

“Yeah mate don't be too hard on ya self at least his hasn't tried to punch ya yet.”

“Punch me?” Roberts head snapped up staring questioningly at Adam,

“Why would he?”

“Adam,” Vic warned with a hiss.

“Sorry Vic but he needs to know,” Adam said in defence.

“True but don't you think Aaron should be the one to tell him,” Vic pointed out to her boyfriend who shrugged in response.

“Just tell me Vic please,” Robert pleaded the more he knew about Aaron the more he could try and fix whatever damage he’d just done even though he hadn’t a clue what had just happened; a feeling he was becoming all too familiar with when it came to Aaron.

Vic huffed she didn't want to break Aarons confidence but her brother had fallen hard and she wanted to help him, finally she nodded at Adam to continue.

“It was a few years back, he met someone and we all thought he'd made a breakthrough but the guy…”

Roberts eyes shot up at the word guy.

“Yeah mate you're not barking up the wrong tree,” Adam chuckled lightly.

Robert felt his cheeks flame at Adams words, did everyone know he tried to ask Vic with his eyes but she just smiled at him.

“So you were saying…”

“Right yeah, the guy pushed him too hard too fast tried to touch him before he was ready and Aaron lashed out, ended up knocking the blokes teeth out,” Adam concluded.

“Oh,” Robert exhaled; he knew Aaron could lash out, he’d told him during one of their many talks  but knowing just a simple touch had caused him to punch a guy he liked made Robert feel sick to his stomach with worry, he wasn’t sure he could live his life without ever touching Aaron.

“You've got to be patient and wait for him to come to you okay,” Vic informed him Adam nodding in agreement.

“But how when I don’t know what I’ve just did,” Robert sighed in defeat.  

“You sat next to him,” Adam remarked as if it was that obvious but Robert knew it wasn’t that although now he was starting to doubt himself.

“But I do that in the café,” Robert pointed out a faint smile on his lips as he recalled their lunch a few days ago one they had repeated more than once.

“Really?”

Robert nodded,

“Why?”

“It’s just I’ve never…” Vic stammered.

“Vic,” it was Adams turn to warn her.

Robert caught something pass between the two of them and knew that whatever was going on between him and Aaron his two best friends were as clueless as he was.

“Okay,” Robert nodded sniffed wiping his nose with the back of his hand he knew Aaron needed time but he couldn’t help himself when he asked, 

“Should I go and say sorry again?” almost hopeful at the possibility of seeing the brunette again; he really had missed him.

“Just leave it for now yeah, he knows you didn't mean it.”

“Right,” he muttered unable to hide his disappointment.


	7. Seven

Aaron ran to the only place he knew Robert wouldn’t follow, Smithy Cottage. He knocked and as Paddy stepped aside to let him past he flopped down on the sofa. Paddy knew better than to ask questions straight away so he busied himself in the kitchen making a brew.

Aaron didn’t know what to say, but he knew he had to tell someone to stop himself from going crazy and Paddy was the only one who would listen. He balled his fists up and shoved them under his arms in an attempt to dull the tingling that remained in his fingertips whenever he’d had been close to Robert.

When Paddy returned to the living room Aarons head was resting on the back of the sofa just staring up at the ceiling his arms folded across his chest.

“There ya go mate,” Paddy gave him a sad smile as he placed the cuppa he’d made for him down on the coffee table.

The sound of Paddys voice seemed to pull Aaron out of his daydream,

“Nice one,” he said in thanks.

“Come on what’s up? Is this about your new top homie Robert by any chance?” Paddy had seen them together more often than not over the last few days and he’d seen the way Robert looked at Aaron and if he wasn’t mistaken it was a look that Aaron reciprocated.

“Did you just say top homie?” Aaron asked with a roll of his eyes, deflecting the real question he hated how Paddy knew what was going on with him just by looking at him.

“Yeah I did sorry,” Paddy cringed,

“But you didn’t answer my question.”

Aaron huffed.

“I’ve seen ya you know when your with him,” Paddy prompted making Aaron sigh with relief he didn’t have to hide it because he really needed someone to talk to and that someone couldn’t be Robert when it was him he needed to hide his feelings from.

“I really like him Paddy and I don’t wanna mess it up like I did with………….” but he couldn’t even bring himself to mention his name.

“Talk to him then,” Paddy insisted.

“What and explain that I’m some kind of freak.”

“Aaron you are not a freak,” Paddy shook his head; Aarons perception about his phobia was a standing argument they’d had on numerous occasions.

Aaron just snorted at Paddys words; he knew exactly what he was.

“The thing is….,” Aaron started.

“What?” Paddy pressed when Aaron didn’t carry on.

“Doesn’t matter,” Aaron brushed him off as he picked up his tea.

“No go on,” Paddy insisted.

“I want to….”Aaron uttered under his breath placing his mug back on the coffee table not having even tasted it, just the smell making him feel nauseous as nerves bubbled up in his stomach.

“Want to what?”

Aaron sighed he hadn’t let himself acknowledge the fact yet so how was he supposed to say it out loud? Paddy waited patiently with baited breath as he watched Aaron build up the courage as he finally admitted what Paddy had feared since witnessing them together outside the garage,

“I wanna touch him.”

“Really? I mean….you actually….really?”

“Don’t make a big deal out of it Paddy,” Aaron groaned.

“No of course, sorry………really?”

“Paddy!” Aaron exclaimed wishing he’d never said anything.

“Sorry it’s just you’ve never…” Paddy marvelled.

“I know, why do ya think I can’t even talk to him?”

“But I’ve seen you,” Paddy frowned.

“Yeah that was before,” Aaron moaned swiping his hand down his face.

“Before what?” now Paddy really was confused.

“i….Paddy I think…”

“Aaron?” Paddy giggled nervously as he said out loud the thing Aaron would never admit,  

“Are you falling in love with Robert Sugden?”

“No!” Aaron yelled jumping to his feet.

“Aaron,” Paddy pressed.

“I don’t know,” Aaron cried helplessly as he sank back down on the sofa his face falling into his hands,

“I don’t even know if he’s gay Paddy.”

“Oh,” Paddys mouth fell open he’d seen the way Robert looked at Aaron why couldn’t Aaron see that too.

“Exactly I can’t just……and even if I could..” Aaron looked down at his hands as if that was explanation enough.

“Maybe just stay away from him then.” Paddy interjected seeing how uncomfortable Aaron was maybe it was better they stayed away from each other for everyone’s sake.

“Really that’s your advice?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say Aaron if you’re not ready for more than..”

“Great,” Aaron jumped up again.

“Aaron,” Paddy called after him.

“Thanks for nuffin,” he huffed and headed out the door; Paddy wanted to run after him but knew it was probably best to leave Aaron alone for now, instead he grabbed his phone and dialled, it was answered after two rings.

“Think we might have a problem.”

*

“Do you think Aarons alright?” Vic asked Adam as Paddy rushed by them on his way into the back room of the pub; thankfully Robert has excused himself a few seconds earlier with a quick,

“Bog.”

“Whatever’s going on it can’t be good,” Adam stated Vic shushing him as Robert returned to the table.

*

“What’s going on Paddy?” Chas wondered as he stepped into the back room, trying but failing keep a lid on the nerves she’d had since his phone call.

“It’s Aaron,” Paddy gasped trying to get his breath back having rushed over to the pub.  

“Oh God,” Chas panicked her hand flying to her mouth.

Paddy shook his head,

“He’s fine,” which earned him a slap on his arm.

“You scared me,” Chas grabbed her chest and as her breathing returned to normal she fretted,

“What’s he done now?”

“Nothing yet.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

“You’ve seen him right,” Paddy nodded encouragingly but when Chas frowned he clarified,

“With Robert I mean.”

“Yeah they’re friends so what,” Chas quipped she didn’t like it but that was because she didn’t like the way Aaron looked at him when he thought no one was looking; like he was the best thing since sliced bread.  

“Friends you don’t think it’s more than that?”

Chas’ eyes widen recalling Roberts reaction to Aaron the first time he saw him, and again when Aaron had run away from him.

“Oh no, he is not, we can’t let him Paddy,” Chas paced in front of Paddy.

“Why not?”

“And Aarons told you this?” Chas asked ignoring his question.

“Not in so many words.”

“Paddy you remember what happened last time,” Chas snapped her voice laced with worry for her son.

“Of course I do,” Paddy crowed.

“We can’t let it happen again,” she shrieked.

“But what are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know yet just leave it with me.”

“Don’t you think we should just leave them to it,” Paddy tried to reason with her.

“What and have Aaron beat him to a pulp?” she stressed.

“I don’t think he will he wants,” Paddy theorised; with what Aaron just told him it seemed hurting Robert was the last thing he wanted to do.

“No Paddy we put a stop to this now,” Chas stamped her foot.

“Chas,” Paddy urged her to rethink whatever she was planning.

Chas held her hand up to silence him, her mind was made up.

*

After Paddy left Chas made her way back into the pub her eyes scanning the room for the blonde. When she spotted him still sat in the booth with Vic and Adam she walked over.

“A word.”

“Chas?” Vic questioned.

“Not with you Vic, him,” she pointed her finger in Roberts direction not giving him a chance to speak before turning and heading behind the bar.

“What have you done?” Vic worried especially after Paddys visit.

“I have no idea,” Robert shrugged.

“You better not keep her waiting mate,” Adam hinted he’d been on the receiving end of Chas’ wrath before and knew it wasn’t pretty.

Robert downed the last of his drink and with a heavy heart followed Chas into the back room of the pub.

“I don’t like you,” Chas said as he closed the door behind himself, in fact she didn’t mind him but when it came to her son she’d do anything to protect him,

“And I don’t want you anywhere near my son.”

“What has Aaron said something?” Roberts eyes scanned the room but there was no sign of the young mechanic.  

“Not to me.”

If Aaron had been talking about him surely that was a good sign, if not to chas than it had to be Paddy.

“What did he say?” Robert asked choosing to ignore Chas frosty reception.

“He doesn’t need you messing with his head,” Chas spat.

“What if I’m not messing,” Robert announced.

“What did you say?” Chas was a little taken aback, she never expected Robert to fight her on the matter.

“What if I’m not messing Chas I…” Robert sighed,

“I like him.”

“I don’t care if you like him he doesn’t need you,” Chas argued.

“But what if I can make him happy?” Robert knew Aaron well enough by now to know he’d resigned himself to a life alone.

“He is happy,” Chas retaliated.

“Is he?” Robert remarked with a raised eyebrow.

“I…..” she’d never thought about it before, was her son happy not being able to touch anyone, she didn’t know but she wasn’t about to let Robert be the one to find out,

“Just stay away from him, ya hear me.”

As Chas wagged her finger in Roberts face Aaron walked through the door.

“What’s going on?”

Chas shot a warning look at Robert, who just huffed,

“Nothing apparently,” his eyes finding Aarons he smiled sadly before he turned to leave.

“Robert,” Aaron called but Chas stopped him.

“You don’t need him love.”

“What?” Aaron frowned his heart sinking as he watched Robert walk away.

“Paddy told me,” Chas looked at him sympathetically.

“I don’t believe this! What and you thought you’d just warn him off?”

“I’m just looking out for ya son,” Chas worried her hand slowly reaching out to find his.

“Don’t!” Aaron warned as he violently jerked away from her, he didn’t know what to do, should he go after Robert, should he ring him or should he just leave it until tomorrow?

“Don’t,” he hissed turning his back on her.


	8. Eight

The next day Aaron was up early hoping to talk to Robert about what had happened, he hadn’t slept much the night before and ignored his mum as he walked through the back room of the pub to collect his jacket hoping the sight of Robert would make him feel better but things didn’t improve when he got to work; there was a brew waiting for him but there was no sign of Robert.

“No Robert this morning?” he asked Debbie as casually as he could, who was sat in the office looking over the books.

“On a call out,” Deb brushed him off with a wave of her hand.  

“Oh,” Aaron tried to hide his disappointed behind his mug.

Debbie looked up from her work, she knew she had to tread carefully as she asked,

“Everything alright between you two?”

“How do ya mean?” Aaron questioned her.

“Was gonna do it meself but he practically bit me hand off,” Debbie explained Roberts absence.

Aaron just shrugged in response he knew all he needed to, Robert was avoiding him. He buried himself in work for the next few hours, his head snapping up each time he heard the crunch of gravel expecting it to be Robert but even as he did the guilt pooling in the pit of his stomach told him he wouldn’t be seeing him anytime soon. Adam arrived around lunch time dropping off the land rover from the farm, the gears had been sticking and Aaron had promised to take a look.

“What’s up with you?” Adam asked as he watched Aaron work.

“Nuffin,” Aaron huffed taking his frustration out on the cars gearbox.

“What’s with ya face then?”

“This is my normal face thank you very much,” Aaron sneered before turning back to the look under the bonnet.

“If ya say so mate,” Adam laughed.

“Ya gonna have to leave this, the oil needs changing,” Aaron informed his friend but Adam didn’t seem to hear him.

Adam he cared more about his friend than he did the car and ignored Aarons assessment instead enquiring, 

“Is this about Robert?”

“No! Why?” Aarons head shot up from under the bonnet careful not to hit his head again.

“Just his face looked a lot like yours this morning.”

“How…how do ya mean?” Aaron asked before he could help himself.

“Oh my god you like him don’t you,” Adam taunted.

“I…”

“It’s alright mate he…..” Adam began to say but he could still feel the ghost of Vics foot hitting his shin and he stopped.

“He what?” Aaron pressed with a sudden urgency for any information on how the blonde felt about him.

“I knew it,” Adam snorted pleased he’d made the right assumption.

“He what Adam?” Aaron practically begged.

Adam held his hands up,

“I’m not saying another word, Vic’ll kill me.”

“Not if I don’t first,” Aaron growled before he let out a laugh.

“Pint later?” Adam shouted as he backed out of the garage.

“Sure,” Aaron shook his head at his friend; somehow Adam always managed to cheer him up.

Chas was pleased with herself when Aaron walked in the pub with Adam and not Robert later that night.

*

The following morning Aaron once again arrived to a freshly made brew but no Robert. He sighed running a hand over his face, he’d drank a little too much with Adam last night and was grateful for the tea as he felt it settle in his stomach. With no sign of Robert he fished his headphones out of his pocket and plugged himself in, hoping the base would distract him from another day without Robert long enough to finish up with the land rover.

Robert headed to the café to grab some breakfast after he’d made Aarons tea. The thought of not talking to him for another day made him feel sick and he knew he needed food in his stomach if he was going to face him especially knowing how he felt.  Roberts pulse raced as he walked into the garage to find Aaron leant over the bonnet of the land rover, his overalls hugging him in all the right places, the sight enough to send blood rushing to Roberts groin. As he approached him he saw Aaron was working with his headphones in and Robert knew that this was is way in, to break the ice between them. He knew he was probably pushing his luck but he wanted Aaron to be able to trust him. He took a few undisturbed minutes to scan his eyes over the young mechanics body seeking the perfect point, were the wire was sticking out at an odd angle meaning he could pull the ear bud away without touching him. Leaning in he yanked the wire and whispered,

“Hi,” close to his ear but not too close causing Aaron to jump but the redness that spread across his cheeks dispelled any harshness in his words,

“What the hell Robert?”

“You fancy getting out of here?” Robert rushed out as he backed away; his voice laced with endless possibilities it made Aarons hands ball into fists by his side as his fingers began to tingle from Roberts presence.

“What work?” Aaron questioned in surprise.

“No Emmerdale.”  

“Yes,” Aaron breathed out in relief, he hadn’t felt right for the past few days without Robert to talk to,

“When?”

“How about tonight? You could show me the great sights of Hotten,” Robert grinned to which Aaron replied more boldly than he felt,

“I only know the gay bars.”

Robert knew Aaron was testing him so he decided to put him out of his misery,

“Good job I’m gay then isn’t it.”

Aarons mouth fell open in disbelief; Robert was gay.

*

Robert arranged with Aaron that he’d pick him up after work but Aaron had insisted on driving to which Robert had reluctantly agreed to. He arrived a good thirty minutes ahead of schedule having showered and changed, there was something he needed to do before he could take Aaron out.

“What do you want?” Chas groaned as she saw Robert heading towards her.

“I’m…I’m taking Aaron into Hotten tonight,” Robert informed her.

“You are not!” Chas screeched the whole pub turning to stare at her.

“Chas,” Paddy urged her to calm down ushering them into the back room.

“I am Chas whether you like it or not,” Robert held firm as Chas paced the room.

“Is this a date?” Paddy asked before he could stop himself.

Roberts cheeks reddened at the thought he hadn’t allowed himself to verbalise,  

“If Aaron wants it to be.”

“And what do you want?” Chas spat.  

“Yes I want it to be a date but I’m not gonna push him.”

“What are you doing here?” Paddy queried adding,

“With us I mean?” When he knew the answer was obvious Robert had come to the pub for Aaron.

“I wanted to ask if there was anything I should know.”

“About?” Chas snapped making Roberts already sticky palms sweat more.

“Aaron…his condition.”

“You don’t touch him you hear me,” Chas jabbed her finger in Roberts face.

“I know that Chas,” he sighed,

“What I meant was....”

“Here,” Paddy handed him a bottle of medication from his pocket.

“What’s this?” Robert quizzed, during his research he’d come across a number of medications that could help if Aaron had a panic attack.

“Diazepam,” Paddy informed him much to Chas’ annoyance.

“Paddy!”

“He needs to know Chas,” she knew Paddy was right but that didn’t mean she had to like it.

“What do I do if…”

“Don’t take him anywhere too busy and get him out into the fresh air if you can,” Paddy instructed quietly giving Robert time to take it all in.

“Okay,” Robert nodded making a mental note of Paddys instructions.

“But what if...”

“If he starts to panic get him to take one of them,” Paddy nodded towards the bottle in Roberts hand.  

“And it will work that fast?”

“In about thirty minutes, just talk to him try and calm him down,” Paddy informed him.

“I don’t like this,” Chas grumbled are arms folded firmly across her chest.

“Chas I’ve done my research okay, I know what to look out for,” Robert insisted; he knew she was just worried about Aaron that they both were he was too but if he had any hope for being with Aaron he had to try and be as normal as possible.

“Research?” Chas and Paddy chimed in unison.

“I meant it Chas, I’m not messing him around.”

“Oh,” was all Chas could manage before Roberts eyes wandered up to the ceiling.

“Can I?” he nodded towards the hallway door politely waiting for a response before he went to fetch Aaron.

“If you must,” Chas sighed watching as Robert headed up the stairs the door closing behind him.

“He’ll be fine Chas,” Paddy reassured her.

“What if he’s not,” Chas fretted

“Robert seems to know what he’s doing,” Paddy smiled at her giving her arm a reassuring squeeze.

“Hmm,” Chas hummed; she was surprised Robert had known what he was talking about but that didn’t stop her worrying.

*

“Aaron?” Robert lightly rapped his knuckles on what he assumed was Aarons bedroom door; it was the only one that didn’t have any decoration on it,

“You ready?”

“I’ll meet ya downstairs,” Aaron called from behind the door as he anxiously paced in front of his mirror.

“You alright?” Robert noticed nerves in his voice; they matched his own.

“Fine,” Aaron called again through the door.

“Okay I’ll wait by the car.”

Aaron listened as Robert went back down the stairs; he waited for the back door to slam before he let out shaky breath. He stared at himself in the mirror, he wasn’t sure if this was a date or not but he’d dressed as fancy as he dare. Black jeans, a black button down shirt and a black hoodie. He ran his fingers through his gel free hair and with a sigh he walked towards the door. He paused his hand on the handle; maybe he should just tell Robert he wasn’t feeling well and get the inevitable ‘break-up’ over with. He shook his head, he wanted this, had missed the easy conversation between them, he’d never had that before and he wasn’t about to lose it now because of his nerves. With a deep breath he pulled the door open and made his way down the stairs and towards Robert.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a firm believer in Robert Sugdens bisexuality but for the purposes for this fic he is gay, it just makes things easier!


	9. Nine

“Wow,” Robert mouthed as Aaron exited the pub; this was going to be harder than he thought as he watched Aaron walk towards him curls of dark hair falling across his forehead.  

“Has anyone ever told you black suits you?” Robert nodded in greeting.

Aaron gave him a shy smile in reply as he opened the car door. Robert took a few calming breaths adjusting himself as he did so before climbing in the car to join Aaron.

“Where to?” Aaron asked he cheeks burning as he felt Roberts heated gaze travel over his body.

“I…err…” Robert realised he was staring and reluctantly pulled his eyes up to meet Aarons smirking as he shrugged,

“You’re the expert.”

“Bar west?”

“That place still open?” Robert laughed vibrated from his chest sending a shiver down Aarons spine.

As they set off Robert made a conscious effort not to look at Aaron a task that was becoming increasingly difficult as he felt Aarons eyes on him every few minutes; after a while he couldn’t take it anymore and turned in the passenger seat angling his body towards Aarons whose head snapped back to the road.

“What?” Robert chuckled lightly.

“Eh?” Aaron puzzled the skin under his stubble reddening; he knew he’d been caught.

“See something you like?” Robert teased with a wink.  

“That erm,” Aaron swallowed thickly his eyes straight ahead his knuckles turning white as they tightened on the steering wheel,

“That colour suits you.”

“Cheers,” Robert thanked with a ghost of a smile on his lips which faded fast when he noticed how pale Aaron had gone.

“Are you alright?” Robert asked the concern in his voice made Aarons look over at him which was a mistake, as the passing light of the street lamps made his blonde hair glow casting an angelic glow over his freckled skin.

“Fine,” Aaron muttered forcing his eyes back to the road.

“We don’t….” Robert started to explain they didn’t have to go to a bar but Aaron interrupted him,

“I know.”

“Okay,” Robert nodded with a smile.

“Okay,” Aaron eyes slid over to Roberts a shy smile spreading across his face.

They spent the rest of the ride in silence biting back smiles as they stole glances at each other. The silence continued as Aaron parked up but it was a comfortable soft of silence, one that let you enjoy the company of the other person, but it was broken as Robert reached the bar a few steps ahead of Aaron and held the door open for him which made Aaron dip his head in embarrassment.

“Stop it,” Aaron groaned.  

“Stop what?” Robert smiled politely.

“Treating me like…”

“A human?” Roberts smile turned into a smug grin.

“Yes. What? No!” Aaron cried in frustration; he was a guy, he didn’t need the door holding open for him yet the gesture spread a warmness throughout his chest that he’d never felt before.

Robert could see his hesitation,

“It’s just a door Aaron,” he waited patiently for Aaron to enter and then followed closely behind.

“Now do you want a drink?” Robert asked with a smirk.

“Driving remember?” Aaron sarcastically reminded him.

“I’ll drive back,” Robert said flippantly he wanted Aaron to feel relaxed.

“You think I’d let you drive my car do ya?” Aaron snorted.

And there it was the back and forth that had come so easy to them but that had seemingly been lost over the past few days. Robert headed to the bar as Aaron found them a table. As Robert waited to be serviced he watched Aaron from across the room, as he picked a table closest to the door and Robert didn’t question it but he knew why, knew Aaron needed that security of escape just in case. As he headed back to the table he noticed a guy a few tables over was blatantly checking Aaron out and he wished he could wrap his arm around Aaron shoulder and pull him close, stake his claim on his friend but it wasn’t just that. Robert knew that whatever was between them wasn’t a normal friendship, he knew that the all-consuming, blinding, deafening, heart quickening thing he had with Aaron was so much more but he also knew it wasn't just about sex, which was a strange concept to him. Everything in his life up to meeting the brunette had been about what he could get out of a relationship but not with him. With Aaron with was about earning his trust, his respect and dare he say it love. Because the more time his spent with the surly mechanic the more Robert was falling for him something he'd given up on a long time ago.

“Here,” Robert slid the beer across the table careful not to touch Aaron even though every cell in his body was screaming at him to make the connection; what Robert didn’t know was that Aaron felt the same, the tingling in his fingers had started as soon Robert has knocked on his bedroom door and had failed to let up ever since.

They settled into easy conversation the hours slipping by as Robert insisted on getting another round, they didn’t notice the bar getting steadily busier but as the night drew their conversation turning heavy as they continued to get to know each other.

“So she just left you?”

“She was young,” Aaron informed Robert like it was something he’d accepted a long time ago,

“But she’s okay now.”

“She loves ya,” Robert inclined his bottle of Becks Blue towards Aaron before taking a sip.

“I know she does,” Aaron smiled at the thought, he wasn’t used to opening up and talking about himself always thought people had made their minds up about him based on his condition.

He was used to being judged but with Robert it was different, from the first time they’d talked he knew Robert wasn’t judging him that he just wanted to understand and that was more than most.

“What about ya Dad?”

“What about yours?” Aaron deflected the question back to Robert.  

“Jack Sugden,” Robert sighed,

“What can I say?”

“Why did you stay away so long?” Aaron asked impatiently, he wanted to know everything about the man in front of him.

“I was scared,” Robert admitted to Aaron something he’d never voiced to anyone before,

“Scared he wouldn’t approve ya know?”

“Because you’re gay?” Aaron suddenly realising how lucky he’d been when he’d finally told Paddy about his sexuality and he’d accepted it no questions asked.

Robert nodded, although he held back the main reason he’d run away not sure Aaron would understand,

“I didn’t even go to his funeral.”

“What?”

“That was the last time I was here, well Emmerdale,” Robert answered the sadness clear in his tone of voice.

“And you didn’t go oh Robert,” Aarons fingers burned with the need to reach out and touch him his hands coming up to rest on the table.

“It’s fine I’m fine, just wished id had the guts to face him ya know.” Robert rolled his shoulders with sad smile.

“Drink?”

“Nah I’m good thanks,” Aaron lifted his bottle to show Robert it was still half full.

Robert sat back down wringing his hands together his thumb circling his palm, something he found himself doing more and more whenever he was in Aarons company. At some point Aaron had lost his hoodie and was now playing with the cuffs of his shirt, Roberts eyes followed the movement of his fingers once again noticing his darkened fingernails that he now knew came from working at the garage and the small scars that were scattered across his wrists.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure” Aaron shrugged.

“The marks, on your arms….”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Aaron grimaced as he pulled back once again ignoring the constant tingling that Robert seemed to cause.

“Aaron,” Robert instinctively reached across the table to stop his retreat.

“I said….” Aaron noticed Roberts approaching hand and his own balled into fists the need to lash out taking over as he jerked back and up.

Neither of them had noticed the guy from a few tables across had come to stand next to Aaron and as Aaron stood he felt the man’s breath on his neck his insides clenching as panic took over his fist coming up to connect with the man’s nose. It was like Robert was watching in slow motion, he could see Aarons arm move, knew what he intended to do but had no way of stopping him before it was too late, the man had been Aarons personal space, a space even Robert hadn’t been allowed into and paid the price. After the punch it was as if time sped up, Robert could hear Aarons breathing change, could see the pulse in his neck quicken. He jumped in front of the man shoving him unceremoniously out of the way; he'd rather Aaron hit him again then a stranger because God knows what would happen then as he watched Aaron tense as he folded in on himself.

“Aaron, Aaron look at me it's alright okay, you are alright……..here.”

Robert fumbled in his pocket and put the bottle of pills Paddy had given him down on the table not wanting to agitate Aaron any further by attempting to touch him.

“Aaron can you hear me?”

It took a few seconds for Aaron to hear Roberts voice over the rush of blood in his ears but hearing him meant he had something to focus on.

“Aaron.”

Aaron gave a slight nod and Robert almost cried with relief, the need to reach out and comfort him was overwhelming as he tried to remember Paddys instructions.

“Outside,” Robert said out loud also knowing they couldn’t stay not now that Aaron had just assaulted someone.

“Aaron can you hear me?” Robert repeated.

Aaron nodded again.

“I’m gonna get you out of here, just follow the sound of my voice okay.”

Robert grabbed the medication bottle and his drink and started backing away slowly towards the door.

“Sorry mate,” Robert cringed at the other guy who was holding his nose as blood poured through his fingers.

It was slow going without being about to physically guide Aaron but he managed to get him around the table but Robert was stopped abruptly by someone blocking the door.

“Move,” he shrieked his worry for Aaron making him panic and shoved the body out of the way clearing a path out the door for Aaron.

“I got ya just a few more steps,” Robert told Aaron talking him the whole time.

As the cool night air hit Aarons face he collapsed against the wall.

“Aaron,” Robert panicked crouching down a few feet in front of him, they’d been closer than this before but he didn’t want to push Aaron any further tonight

“Here,” Robert placed the tablets down in front of Aaron, who with some difficulty tried to get the top off,

“Let me.”

Aaron pulled his hand back as Robert opened the bottle,

“There.”

“Thanks,” Aaron whispered before dry swallowing the medication which caused him to cough.

“Here,” Robert set his drink down next to Aaron and sat back.

“Non-alcoholic,” Robert informed him.

“Do you want me to….?” Robert asked thinking back to the scene in the garage where Aaron had wanted Paddy.

“No,” Aaron croaked wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve.

They sat like that for the next 20 minutes while they waiting for the medication to take effect, Aarons knees bent head down back again the wall, Robert who after having talked to security explaining the situation; which was enough to not involve the police thankfully; sat legs crossed opposite him, phone in hand Googling the after effects of benzodiazepines his own panic increasing with each sentence he read.

“Can we go?” Aaron slurred from a few feet away.  

“You can’t drive,” Robert waved his phone in front of him having just read that your ability to drive is affected after taking Diazepam.  

Aaron slowly dug in his pocket and threw the keys at Robert, he wanted to make a joke about getting to drive Aarons car but now wasn’t the time instead he tried to assess Aarons ability to move.

“Can you stand?”

Aaron heaved himself up using the wall for support; he could feel the drowsiness from the medication starting to take effect as he stumbled forward.

“Stay there, I’ll get the car.”

“No,” Aaron panicked he didn’t want to be alone.

“Okay,” Robert reassured him daring to take step closer but Aaron put his hand up to stop him, the drug also increased the effects of alcohol so Aaron was unstable after just the two pints he’d had when normally he could handle five or six before showing any effects and he didn’t trust himself not to reach out for Robert if he came any closer.

“Let me get the car,” Robert practically begged and Aaron didn’t have a choice but to nod in agreement.

Those few minutes alone brought panic back and by the time Robert arrived with the car Aaron was shaking.

“Aaron.”

“Sorry,” Aaron mumbled his voice trembling as he made his way slowly towards the car.

He fumbled with the belt but in the end Robert told him to forget it, he’d drive slowly; all he cared about was getting Aaron home.

“Sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry Aaron,” Robert told him but he didn’t answer him, as Robert turned to see why he realised Aaron had fallen asleep and for what felt like the first time since the bar Robert let out a shaky breath knowing Aaron was finally safe.


	10. Ten

“Aaron.”

“Aaron.”

“Aaron,” Robert called a little louder into the dark for the third time.

“Hmm,” Aaron begrudgingly sat up rubbing his eyes his head was pounding; another affect effect of the medication it left him with what can only be described as the worst hangover which rendered him useless the next day. 

“Where are we?”

“Home,” Robert informed him quietly, Aaron had slept the whole ride back to the village.

“Oh,” Aaron turned his head and noticed they were parked around the back of the pub.

“I…err..had a good night.”

“Me too,” Aaron smiled faintly, his knuckles turning white from the way he was gripping onto the door handle wanting run as far away from his developing feelings for the blonde who just told him he’d had a good night even though he’d ruined it,

“But you don’t have to lie.”

“What?”

“Watching me freak out because…….” he left the reason unsaid but they both knew why he’d lashed out, because Robert had nearly touched him,

“Can’t have been fun for you.”

“How are you feeling?” Robert asked ignoring Aarons words.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Aaron I was with you that’s all that matters,” Robert insisted.

“What really?”

“Yes,” Robert exhaled, the honesty in his voice made Aarons heart race and beneath everything he realised that despite everything his fingers were still tingling and he knew if he didn’t get out the car he’d only make things worse by reaching out for Robert and in that moment he hated him.

Hated his perfect hair and his perfect teeth, hated that he was so self-assure, that he wasn’t scared of anything, hated the he didn’t constantly doubt himself like Aaron but most of all he hated him for making him fall for him because Aaron was, he was falling so hard and it scared the hell out of him.  

“I have to go,” Aaron pushed open the car door grabbing onto it tightly to keep himself upright.

“Wait Aaron,” Robert called as he climbed out on the other side of the car.

“What?” Aaron groaned in frustration.

“Keys,” Robert slid the keys across the roof the scrape of metal against metal making Aaron hiss.

“And I’m sorry for….”

“Night Robert,” Aaron let out in a dismissive breath.

“Night,” Robert whispered but he might have well been talking to himself.

He ambled across the village towards Keepers Cottage replaying the earlier parts of the evening in his mind, it had been good hadn’t it, their pseudo date, they’d opened up in a way Robert hadn’t with anyone before and even if it hadn’t meant something to Aaron it had to him.

He was about to push open the door to his sisters but wasn’t ready to face the questions she surely had when he had so many of his own. He spent the next hour walking aimlessly around the village in the dark; the cool night air did nothing to ease the stark reality he felt when it came to Aaron.

“And where have you been?” Vic quizzed when Robert finally came home making him feel like a teenager again.

“Out.”

“With who?” but as she asked she saw the flush across his cheeks and knew already,

“Aaron.”

“How did you….” Robert started but he too could feel the flush on his cheeks at the mention of his name.

“Come off it Rob, I’m surprised the whole village doesn’t know the way you look at him.”

“Trust me to fall for the guy I can’t have,” Robert let out a sad sigh as he fell back into the sofa.

“What about Finn?”

Finn Barton, the other gay in the village, Vic had introduced them a few nights ago and although they had a lot in common he just wasn’t Aaron.

“Finn? He’s nice Vic but he’s not my type besides, it isn’t just about a guy, its him, Aaron, I’ve never….”

“Oh.”

“Vic this is such a mess.”

“You really like him don’t you,” Vic asked quietly already knowing the answer.

“Yes.”

“But Robert what about…,” she trailed off.

It wasn’t something Robert thought about, to him Aaron was Aaron, sure he came with complications like tonight for example but that didn’t change the way he felt about him, maybe it should, the possibility of getting physically hurt by being near him but it didn’t.

“You think that would matter but it doesn’t, I’ve never…..” Robert didn’t know how to finish the sentence but he didn’t have to Vic already knew.

“You love him,” she shrieked with delight.  

“I think so,” Robert breathed out, it was good to finally admit what he’d been keeping inside since first laying eyes on Aaron because he knew that was the moment his life changed.

“Oh Rob.”

“I don’t know what to do Vic tell me what to do,” Robert pleaded his voice breaking as he spoke.

*

Across the village it took Aaron a while before he felt well enough to attempt getting up the stairs having collapsed again the back door as soon as it closed.

“Aaron is that you love?” he heard his mum shout as he heaved his heavy limbs up onto the first step.

“Yeah,” he could hear himself slurring his words.

“Are you drunk?” Chas questioned as she raced to the bottom of the stairs.

“Nope,” Aaron snapped as he stumbled almost losing his balance.  

“What did he do to you?” Chas panicked when she saw him.

“Nuffin,” Aaron huffed.

“Oh Aaron,” Chas cried in desperation; he knew he was still mad at her but she just wished he would talk to her like he did Paddy.

“Don’t,” despite the medication the adrenaline still course through his veins and he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he had to endure another touch even from his mother who he trusted implicitly.

“What happened love?” Chas fretted as Aaron sank down on the stairs.

“I…” Aaron took the pill bottle from his pocket in explanation.

“Oh..did he…..?”  

“No he helped,” Aaron smiled as he recalled a hazy vision of Robert pushing someone out of the way for him.

“Right?” Chas wasn’t sure what the problem was.

“He was good and I was…..me,” Aaron shrugged the action making his head throb.

“What’s wrong with that?” Chas puzzled before she remembered what Paddy had said and she panicked,

“Is he alright you didn’t hit him or anything?”

“Mum!”

“Sorry,” Chas mumbled.

Aaron wanted to talk to her like he did Paddy, to not be judged. He wanted to ask how he could hate someone and love them at the same time, he wanted to ask what love was and most of all he wanted to ask how Robert could possibly care about someone like him but he just couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t get the words out.

“How is he….how am I…..oh forget it,” he pulled himself up using the bannister as support and slowly made his way to his room ignoring his Mums calls.

Aaron didn’t know what he was to Robert anymore but something his mum said stuck with him as he closed his eyes a few minutes later, he hadn’t hit out at Robert when he was trying to help him and as unconsciousness overwhelmed him he wondered why that was.  

*

When she didn’t answer the first time Robert asked again,

“What am I gonna do Vic?”  

“Just be honest with him.”

“What just go up to him and say what, that I want to be with him even though he can’t bear to be touched?”

“You said that didn’t matter,” Vic protested.

“It doesn’t,” but Robert couldn’t argue that it wasn’t going to be a problem.

“Well tell him then.”

“I can’t….” Robert cried.

“Why?”

“Because….”

“Robert have you ever been in love before?” Vic asked softly.

“What kinda question is that?” Robert spat defensively.

“Oh.”

“Sorry,” Robert apologised for his outburst before he questioned her,

“What does it feel like?” the vulnerability in his voice almost broke Vics heart.

As she was thinking about how to reply Adam walked into the room and she smiled at him as he wordlessly mouthed,

“You okay?”

She nodded and watched him leave her to console her brother.

“A bit like this I suppose, one day you wake up feeling different, like your day is complete knowing that they are in the world, you look at the person and see forever.”

Robert stared up at his sister through his fingers he envied her, she had that love with Adam, he’d been witness to it, seen it with his own eyes, but the things she was saying was how he felt about Aaron too. Aaron was the first person he’d opened up to in a long time, the first person who made him want to think about the future, something he’d always run away from in the past, he never knew he was looking for something more until he saw those blue eyes in the pub that day, blue eyes that he could picture with such clarity it was like Aaron was standing next to him.

“I’m screwed.”  


	11. Eleven

Aaron didn’t show up to for work the next day and as much as Robert wanted to go to him, to check on him, he knew he’d be sleeping off the after effects of previous evening. Without him the day dragged but that didn’t stop him from working late, just for something to do and also he didn’t want to leave just on the off chance Aaron did turn up; he couldn’t chance not seeing him. When it started to get dark he locked up, Debbie had left hours before, and as he made his way back to Vics he took a moment to cast his eyes up towards the pub in the hopes of catching a glimpse of him. After a few minutes of being stood in the dark just staring up at a window he began to feel ridiculous and annoyed with himself so he sloped off home.

“What’s up with you?” Vic asked as he slung himself down on the sofa.

“I’m fine,” he sulked in protest.  

“He didn’t come to work did he?” Vic smirked knowingly.  

“How…”

“What happened last night?” Vic began to interrogate him or at least that’s what it felt like in his irritated state.

“Nothing,” Robert huffed in frustration.

“Rob…”

“Just leave it yeah Vic,” Robert raised his voice before he shot off the sofa and up the stairs slamming the door to his room.

He knew it wasn’t her fault or anyone’s for that matter; the fact Aaron had been put in that situation was down to him so he only had himself to blame but was that why Aaron has stayed away, because of what happened last night? Or was it something more?

He opened up his laptop; somehow Google had become his new best friend; and with a few key strokes he found the site he’d visited when he’d first learnt of Aarons condition. He didn’t know what he was looking for exactly but as he re-read the information he found the heading – **_treatment._** It was difficult to differentiate between the two phobias but the more he read the more he realised that what the sites were talking about in the way of treatment were the same. Becoming aware of the fear was the first thing a sufferer had to do before anything but Aaron was not only aware of it he’d built his life up around it. The more Robert read the more he thought that maybe Aaron needed him to challenge those walls he’d built, to push the boundaries, he knew that’s what the guy before him had done but Robert knew Aaron well enough by now, had seen his reaction to almost being touched that he knew he couldn’t touch him that they would have to start small and work up to it, if Aaron was willing. As the darkness settled over his room his research led him to a site that talked about Aphenphosmphobia being a fear of intimacy which seemed to fit with what he knew about Aaron. An expert on the site recommended that sufferers make a list, writing down things they think may trigger a reaction to being physically intimate. Robert knew it was a long shot but saved the web page in his favourites for future reference. That night as he climbed into bed he tried to imagine what touching Aaron would be like but all he could envisage was the scars that scattered his wrists, he needed to know what or who had caused them. As his eyes closed his last thought was how he could get Aaron to trust him enough to break down his walls.

*

The next morning as he made Aaron a brew in the hopes the younger man would show up for work Robert made a decision to talk to him about the research he’d done the night before.  

“Morning,” he said almost shyly in greeting as Aaron groaned changing into his overalls;  Robert couldn’t help but let his eyes wander over Aarons body as he did, once again trying to imagine what it would feel like under his.

He could feel his arousal building as he watched Aaron so in an attempted to distract himself he went over his plan in his head. Step one, get Aaron to trust him. So with monkey mug in his hand he turned back around and found Aarons blue eyes with his searching for permission, when he saw no resistance he simply said,

“Here,” offering Aaron his usual morning brew but instead of placing it on the bench for Aaron to pick up he held it out for Aaron to take it from him.

“Robert,” Aaron warned his voice low when he saw Roberts intention, they hadn’t  

“Just try,” Robert whispered.

Aaron gulped his breath turning swallow as he took a step towards Robert. Blood rushed to his ears as his pulse quickened, was he really going to let Robert do this?

“Take your time,” Robert said as encouragingly as he could.

“Shuddup,” Aaron let out a shaky breath.

Robert could see the tension build up as his arm slowing reached out, if anyone else was witnessing this he knew they would probably think Aaron was ill but Robert knew it was his bodies reaction to the thought of being close to him, he tried to ignore the dull act knowing that Aaron wasn’t rejecting him personally, it his fear causing the reaction preparing his body for a fight or flight response. It took a few tries but eventually Aaron managed to take the mug from Robert his hands trembling the brown liquid swilling over the sides running down the monkeys face, Robert was worried about the hot beverage burning Aaron as Aaron slammed the mug down on the worktop

“What the hell?”

“It wasn’t so bad was it?” Robert asked sincerely.

“For you maybe,” Aaron sneered.

“Aaron…”

“Forget it.”

During the course of the day Aaron felt like something had changed between them and he wasn’t sure he could handle it, every time Robert looked at him he would smile, no it wasn’t a smile it was more of a half-smile filled with endless wonder that managed to take Aarons breath away and his palms itch but at the same time made him feel awkward and uncomfortable. But it wasn’t just today; Aaron had felt like that since the first time he’d seen Robert, the need to be near him only increasing the more they got to know each other. Could Aaron really trust Robert, trust that he was wantable, that he was worthy of Roberts hungry eyes? Because despite what he’d seen in Bar West he was still here seemingly pushing Aarons to the limit only to pull back at right moment. How was it that the man he’d known for all of two weeks seemed to know him better than anyone?

They didn’t talk about what had happened and Robert knew he wouldn’t do anything else for a few days to allow Aaron to adjust to the new found interaction, but he couldn’t help looking over at the younger man every few minutes with a dopey grin on his face; who knew that someone taking a mug of tea from your hand could fill him with such hope.

As the day was drawing to a close Robert asked hopefully,

“Pint?” to which Aaron just shrugged.

“And before you say it I happen to think the oil stains is a good look for you,” Robert joked his eyes scanning down Aarons tight t shirt.

“Oh really?” Aaron said his voice low with something he’d never felt before, was he flirting?

Robert swallowed thickly,

“Really.”

If the look on Roberts face was anything to go by maybe he was even good at it.


	12. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a long one for you guys, hope you like it, and THANK YOU for your amazing feedback, this would not be possible without your support :)

They walked the small journey to the pub in silence, Aarons hands shoved deep in his pockets as he fought the urge to reach out and touch Robert, an urge that caused his stomach to contract every time Robert cast his eyes down at him checking to make sure he was still there. Robert slid into the booth as Aaron ordered the drinks.

“You alright love you look a bit…..” Chas asked her voice full of concern.

“I’m fine.”

“He….” Chas indicated towards Robert with a flick of her head,

“Isn’t bothering ya is he?”

“Mum!”

“Sorry just looking out for ya,” Chas held her hands up.

“I can do that for meself thanks.”

Aaron slid the drink across the table as Robert waited patiently for his hand to retreat back to his lap.

“Cheers,” Robert muttered as he brought the drink to his lips trying not to acknowledge the fact Aaron had chosen not to sit next to him.

Aaron had instinctively taken the seat opposite even though Robert had purposely left room for him,

“Sorry,” Aaron uttered when he saw the disappointment flash across Roberts face.

“It’s okay,” Robert gave him a tight smile; Aaron found himself missing the goofy half smile he’d seen at the garage the thought making him so nervous he almost downed his drink in two big gulps and just when he found the courage to voice his concern Finn burst through the door.

“There you are,” Finn gasped a little breathlessly as his eyes settled on Roberts.

“You found me,” Robert joked much to Aaron annoyance.

“Have you seen the new Game of Thrones trailer?” Finn asked excitedly.

“No,” Robert smiled at his nerdy friend.

“What?!” Finn shrieked in horror,

“Right give me a second,” his thumb flying over the screen on his phone as he slid into the booth next to Aaron.

Not knowing what else to do Aaron smiled awkwardly at the two of them he finishing the rest of his pint his knuckles turning white as his grip tighten on the glass at the ease at which Finn talked to Robert  as spike of jealously running down his spine; he didn’t even realise they were friends.

“I’ll get the drinks in shall I?” he grunted but neither of them seemed to hear him.

“I didn’t know Finn and Robert were friends,” Chas cooed in the hopes this meant that Robert would steer clear of Aaron as he walked over to the bar.

“Me neither,” Aaron grumbled practically his leg jittering up and down as he waiting impatiently for his mum to set the drinks in front of him; he hadn’t ordered one for Finn.

As he turned back towards the table he couldn’t help but notice how Robert was leant in towards Finn so he could focus on the small screen Finns phone, his head a little too close it caused Aarons stomach to contract knowing he could never be that close to Robert without lashing out.

As the phone in Finns hand played out the ominous theme music Robert grin widen but in all the hype over the new trailer he hadn’t realised that Finns hand was clutching his in excitement but Aaron had. He slammed the glasses on the table with such force two sets of eyes looked up and Robert hated what he saw staring back at him, anger but behind that regret.

“Don’t,” he breathed out sensing Aarons intention but he was too late Aaron was already walking away from them.

“Aaron!” Robert called after him as he raced through to the back room.

Unlike last time Robert didn’t think twice about following him, pausing briefly to apologise to Finn he rushed off in search of Aaron. He found him sat at the kitchen table hand in his hands. How could he have been so stupid especially after the progress they’d made earlier?

“Talk to me.”

Robert looked at Aaron in a way he wouldn’t have done just a few days ago, open and honest and filled with such affection Aaron felt the tension ease from his body and wondered if he looked at Robert like that, with such adoration but quickly shook the thought away; he was still mad at him, or more to the point mad at himself for thinking Robert could want someone like him when he could have Finn the image of their hands locked together fresh in his mind.

“Leave me alone.”

“Aaron,” Robert pleaded taking the seat adjacent to him.

“I don’t understand what you want from me Robert?”

“I don't want anything,” Robert proclaimed.

“Then what the hell are you doing here?” Aaron grilled him,

“Good back to Finn,” he added not caring how jealous he sounded.

Robert took a deep breath but didn't say anything causing Aaron to growl in frustration.

“Do ya know what forget it,” Aaron grunted, the chair legs scraping along the kitchen floor deafeningly loud as he stood up and walked away from him.

“I think…..no…I know that...” Robert whispered to the space Aaron has just occupied before turning to face Aaron whose hand was now on the door handle.

If he didn't say it now why would he so he just let the words fall out or his mouth or screamed them judging by the look on Aarons face,

“I'm falling in love with you.”

Just like Aaron had done so many times to him Robert wanted to run, but his brain wasn't functioning and no matter how many times he told his legs to move they wouldn't. He was stuck waiting, waiting for Aaron to confess his feelings too or worse humiliate him. He watched as Aaron crumbled in front of him, tears of what, Robert didn't know rolling down his cheeks and his first instinct was to comfort him, but as his hand drew closer his brain finally kicked in and screamed **_STOP_** and his hand froze in mid-air.

Aaron was shell shocked. He never expected that Robert felt the same as him. He couldn't quite grasp what he's said and stared at him his mouth open. He must have started to cry because the next thing he knew Robert was reaching out for him.

“Aaarrghh,” Robert cried in exasperation dropping his hand.

“See this…” Aaron gulped,

“This is why you can’t love me. Go…go be with him.”

“Is that your mum talking?” Robert bit out.

“What?” Aaron asked in confusion.

“Doesn’t matter,” Robert quipped with a shake of his head his eyes focused on Aaron making his intentions clear before he stepped closer.

“Why can’t I love you?”

“We….I can’t….we can’t,” Aaron pointed between the two of them even though every cell in his body was calling out to Robert that he felt the same.

“You think I care about that Aaron, you think that’s all this is, a way for me to….what? Get in your pants?”

“I….no..” Aaron face flamed red at the accusation,

“Do you….could you…?”

“Yes,” Robert breathed out without knowing what he was agreeing to but knowing he’d do anything if it meant being close to Aaron.

“Really?” Aaron asked in astonishment.

“I’ve never left like this about anyone before than again I’ve never met anyone like you before,” Robert took another step closer.

“A freak.”

“Aaron,” Robert Chastised.  

“Sorry.”

They stood there gazing at each other for a moment, the adoration in Roberts eyes making Aarons fingers feel like they were on fire with the need to touch him; his own body scaring him more than Robert did.

“I feel the same but I just can't give you anymore.”

And it wasn’t a lie as much as he wanted to touch Robert the now familiar burning in his fingertips a constant reminder of that want he just couldn’t get past his own head he’d built everything up to avoid being touched he never expected that he’d be the one who wanted to touch.

“What is it you think I want Aaron?”

“I don’t know,” Aaron shrugged honestly.

“Is this….,” Robert hesitated before carrying on,

“Is this because you’re a virgin?”

“What! No!” Aaron yelled moving away from Robert putting some much needed distance between them, the burning dissipating back down to a tingling flicker.  

“I’m sorry Aaron I shouldn’t…”

“Get out,” Aaron seethed in his voice strained with anger and embarrassment.

“Aaron love are you alright?” Chas cried as he rushed through the back at the sound of Aaron raised voice.

Aaron ran his hand over his face,

“Fine Robert was just leaving,” before he sank his teeth firmly into his bottom lip as he dared Robert to argue with him.  

“I’m not going anywhere,” Robert stood his ground.

“Oh I think you are sunshine,” Chas argued.

“This is between me and Aaron not you,” Robert sneered at Chas.

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Aaron spat back.

“Aaron please,” Robert begged but knew it was no good, he’d blown it.

“Just go,” Aaron croaked.

“Fine but you know how I feel the rest is up to you,” Robert admitted in defeat but he wasn’t giving up without a fight.

“What’s he talking about?” Chas asked after Robert had left.

“Just leave it mum yeah?”

“Aaron,” Chas called after him her hand coming up to stop him but he jerked away from her.

“I said leave it,” he snapped slamming the hallway door behind him.

By the time Aaron reached his room he was shaking so badly with the need to hit something he picked up his pillow and screamed into it but even that didn’t make him feel better. Robert said he was falling in love with him but how could someone like Robert fall for him when they couldn’t even kiss without Aarons body rejecting Roberts every touch. He knew if he trusted Robert he could let him in eventually, and knew he would if only to stop the burning need he felt every time he was with him. Robert had been right he was scared not because he was a virgin however true that was but because he too was falling, had fallen in love with Robert and he didn’t know how to handle that. He wanted Robert in all the ways someone in love wanted to be loved themselves but letting Robert in meant giving into the one thing he’d denied himself for so long, his touch. He needed to clear his head before he decided what he wanted to do. Pulling on his running shoes he crept slowly down the stairs, he couldn’t face his Mum right now, and out the door. As he ran, his feet pounding on the ground, he felt the adrenaline of their fight drain from his system leaving him suddenly exhausted. He knew want he wanted and by the time he made it back to the pub his mind was made up. He sent Robert a text.

> A: Can we talk? Meet me in the pub for lunch tomorrow.

It was the first text he’d sent him since exchanging numbers and after he hit send he shut off his phone a wave of dread washed over him at what Roberts answer would be as he climbed into bed.


	13. Thirteen

At lunch time the next day Aaron waited nervously in the pub having turned his phone on that morning to read Roberts simple reply.

> R: Okay.

The night before as Robert had received Aarons message his heart filled with a renewed hope, thankful his ignorance at Aarons virginity hadn’t ruined his chances he once again opened his laptop and clicked on his favourites bringing up the website that focused on the fear of intimacy. If they were ever going to be more Robert had to push Aaron into making the list. He memorised the three questions 

  * _What is the worst that could happen if I get intimate?_
  * _What good might come out of the situation?_
  * _How tolerable would the consequences be?_



He didn’t know how willing Aaron would be to answer them but they had to start somewhere.

When Robert arrived at the pub he took a deep breath before pushing through the door knowing that everything was riding on the outcome of this conversation. He smiled sweetly at Aaron as their eyes locked across the room a warm ache spreading through his chest as he took in Aarons jittery leg, knowing they were as nervous as each other. With a drink in his hand he joined Aaron at the table sliding in next to the young mechanic. They sat beside each other in silence; the only noise came from the bustle of the busy pub around them. Today was different from another day they had shared, their feelings were laid clear on the table after their argument last night and they had agreed to talk but neither of them was willing to take that first step. But here they were so much distance between them then there had ever been as they both tried to ignore nervous energy between them. Robert looked over at Chas who scowled at him and he sighed. No one approved of what was transpiring between them, well no one baring Vic and maybe Adam but even they were wary of Roberts feelings. The thing was they weren’t anything specific yet, their relationship yet to be labelled as anything other than mates even after he professed his love for Aaron the day before. Robert cast his gaze over to Aaron who was staring blankly ahead he hand clamped firmly around his glass the only indication he was feeling something. Robert watched on as Aaron opened his mouth to speak but fearing the worst he closed it again causing Robert to sigh.

Robert didn’t know what else to do they had done so well the day before but their argument and the proceeding coolness between them made him lose all confidence so he referred back to his original plan he had last night and that was to get Aaron to list the things he found difficult about being close to Robert just like his research suggested.

“I’ll be right back,” Robert broke the silence vacating his seat heading towards the bar.

“Chas you got a pen behind there?” he asked coldly the hostility between them palatable.

“Somewhere I think.”

“Cheers,” Robert sniped and snatched the pen taking it back to the table.  

“What ya doing?” Aaron asked curiously when Robert began scribbling on a napkin in front of him, they were supposed to be talking.

Robert held his hand to stop Aarons questions but instead of the planned task he did something so downright cheesy he knew he could laugh it off if Aaron said no.

“Give me a sec,” he looked up at Aaron and pushed the folded napkin across the table.

“What?”

“Just read it,” Robert said interlacing his hands together on the table to resist the urge to reach out, a gesture he’d become accustomed to in the short time he’d know Aaron.

“How old are you again?” Aaron giggled the sound sending shivers down Robert spine.

Aaron eyed Robert suspiciously and feeling a little foolish he took the note and opened it shocked to read what it said.

“Are you serious?” Aaron chuckled but stopped abruptly when he saw Roberts face fall at his laughter.

“Well I was but just forget it okay it was a stupid idea,” Robert groaned standing up.

“Robert sit down will ya,” Aaron fought the urge to reach out and pull him back down afraid of what Robert would do if his body rejected him,

“And pass me that pen,” he added biting his bottom lip as Robert stared at him.

Robert watched as Aarons fingers gripped the pen wishing Aaron could hold him like that dismissing the thought quickly, this what he had signed up for so to speak when he’d written that note, a life without touching but it would be worth it to have a life with Aaron if only if Aaron said yes.

His own fingers wrapped around his pint glass swilling the golden liquid left at the bottom and as he drained the last of the hops Aaron slid his reply back across the table a shy smile dancing along his face.

Robert scrunched the napkin up in his hand much to Aarons dismay.

“Don’t ya wanna know my answer?”

_‘Yes’_ he wanted to scream that’s what he wanted more than anything but instead he said,

“It was a stupid question.”

“Just look at it ya muppet,” Aaron smiled at him shyly.

Robert slowly unfolded the napkin his heart in his mouth as he reread his own messy handwriting

_Will you go out with me?_

And under it he’d put two check boxes one with yes and one with no just like he’d seen done a hundred times on those trashy American movies Vic made him watch all the time. He screwed his eyes shut not wanting to know Aarons answer, what if he rejected him like he’d rejected everyone else.

“Yes,” Aaron breathed causing Robert to open his eyes discarding the note he looked at Aaron astonishment on his face.

“Yes?”

“Yes,” Aaron nodded chewing on his bottom lip his hand flat on the table edging a little closer to Robert.

“Aaron,” Robert whispered.

“Yes Robert I will go out with you but..”

“But?” Robert panicked shaking his head.

“What about this?” Aaron held his hands up as if that was explanation enough. 

“We made progress yesterday didn’t we?”

“I took a cup from you it’s hardly progress,” Aaron pointed out but even as he said the words he knew it wasn’t true, he wouldn’t have let anyone else push him like Robert had done.

“But it’s a start right?” Robert smiled encouragingly before his face turned serious,

“I’m sorry about what I said yesterday, you know I don’t care about it right?” Robert insisted hoping Aaron understood what he meant; about his virginity.

“I’m sorry too, I guess I’ve just never…” Aaron tensed his voice trailing off not wanting to discuss his lack of experience with Robert.

“Me too,” Robert admitted which eased a little of the tension across Aarons shoulders.

“So….” Robert beamed once again Aaron was shocked as he felt the tingling in the ends of his fingers as he caught Roberts gaze,

“Can I call you my boyfriend now?”

Aarons hand came up to scratch the back of his neck as he looked nervously up at Robert through his thick lashed his skin flushed under his stubble,

“I guess.”

“Good,” Robert smiled satisfied they’d finally happy with the definition of their relationship,

“I meant what I said yesterday about…”

“I know,” Aaron cut him off not quite ready for Robert to say it again.

“Your mums not gonna be happy,” Robert nodded towards the bar where Chas stood her hands on her hips glaring at them.

“She’s just looking out for me,” Aaron sighed adding,

“And you.”

“Me?” Robert scoffed he found that hard to believe.

“Yeah ya know in case I….err…hit ya or something.”

“Let’s try and avoid that shall we,” Robert joked knowing the possibility was all too real.

“Gladly,” Aaron agreed.

“So what do we do now?” Aaron tentatively asked butterflies in his stomach; he’d never had a boyfriend before.

“This I guess but can I…” Roberts eyes travelled down to Aarons hand now back on the table,

“Move closer?”

“Robert,” Aarons voice turned low in warning.

“We have to try Aaron,” Robert addressed the issue firmly knowing he had to push Aarons boundaries but not wanting a repeat of last night.

“I know I just…” Aaron didn’t want to admit how scared he was at the thought of finally letting Robert in.

“Me too…” Robert repeated as he exhaled.

“Really?”

“Yes,” Robert whispered giving Aaron that half smile he saved just for him.

Robert began to walk his fingers across the table until his little finger was an inch away from Aaron his ears trained on Aarons breathing trying to detect the subtle changes he associated with Aarons panic. Aaron focused on his breathing; in and out as Robert closed the distance between their hands and just when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore Robert stopped his hand an inch from Aarons.

“Is this okay?”

Aaron didn’t trust his voice not to betray his fear so he just nodded willing his heart rate to calm down as he concentrated on his breathing techniques, in through the nose and out through the mouth. After a few minutes Robert pulled his hand back and Aaron visibly relaxed.

“Thank you,” Aaron muttered as he rubbed his hand to dispel the sensation of Roberts skin next to his although he didn’t find it as unpleasant as he thought he would.

“I want this to work Aaron.”

“Me too,” Aaron smiled repeating Roberts words back to him.


	14. Fourteen

Over the next few weeks Robert began to break down Aarons walls brick by brick, challenging him each day, pushing his boundaries, exposing him to situations he found uncomfortable like he had done with mug of tea. After the first few attempts Aaron realised he could trust that Robert wouldn’t push him too far out of his comfort zone and in turn he started to open up to the blonde, talking him through what he was comfortable with and even though he hated it when Robert set him a challenge especially when he wasn’t expecting it he could also see how much process he was making. They could now sit next to each other with just a few inches separating them without Aaron backing away; in certain situations he even found Roberts closeness relaxing. Even with Roberts tasks work got a lot more enjoyable and it was in those moment before their day started, when it was just the two of them that Aaron loved the most, the almost constant tingling in this fingers a welcomed distraction to the hammering inside his chest each time Robert would lean in close his minty fresh breath hot against his cheek. For Robert it had got to the point where his own hands began to tremble with want, the need to touch Aaron so strong as he handed him something, not caring what it was but knowing Aaron would take it from him. As much as Robert ached to close the distance between them, wanted to know what lay beneath the dark material of Aarons clothes, his mouth watering each morning when he watched Aaron change into his overalls, he knew they were slowly building something that both of them wanted to last. When work came to an end they spent there evenings together in the pub much to Chas and Paddys dismay but even they couldn’t deny Roberts positive influence on Aarons behaviour.

As they sat in what had just in mere weeks had become their booth Roberts writhed his hands together as a way to distract himself from the longing to reach out for Aarons hand, he wanted to touch Aaron so badly but knew he wasn’t ready so he touched himself. Whenever they were together like this, close enough for Robert to see the oil engrained into the callouses on Aarons palms he would interlace his fingers the way he wished he could with Aarons, his thumb would draw circles on to his palm and he'd often get distracted wondering what it would be like to draw those same circles across Aarons skin, to feel the rough notches under his fingertips and when he'd look up he'd find Aaron staring at him.

“You’re doing it again?” Aaron would blush.  

And Robert would still his movements before quietly apologising only to start up again as Aaron looked away; it had become almost routine for them.

Robert was so wrapped up in all things Aaron he’d even forgotten about his brothers impending arrival back in to the village until it was too late. The pair of them had escaped the garage to grab some lunch at the pub lost in their own little world just the two of them so they took no notice as the pub door swung open, the punter had his back to the rest of the pub when he asked in Cains direction; who was enjoying a well-earned pint at the bar,

“Ya seen Debbie? Got some gifts for the kids but the garage is all locked up.”

“Ask the two love birds over there,” Cain scoffed raising his voice as he gestured towards Robert and Aaron. 

“Oi it’s our lunch,” Robert called back, even his tentative relationship with Cain was improving after they’d had words.

_“Don’t look so nervous,” Cain had cornered him one afternoon in the garage asking him,_

_“What are you doing with our Aaron?”_

_“What do ya mean?” Robert had croaked out._

_“Our Chas told me you two are a thing is that right?”_

_“Yes,” Robert breathed out as he’d tried to gauge Cains reaction._

_“Oi right didn’t know you….err…”_

_“Well I am,” Robert had smirked at Cains obvious discomfort before he added,_

_“And I really care about Aaron.”_

_“Well just made sure ya do ya hear me or you’ll have me to answer too.”_

“Lovebirds?” the man asked turning around to look in the direction Cain had indicated,

“Aaron?”

“Shit,” Robert hissed under his breath as the man turned around.  

“And……..?” Andy squinted before his mouth fell open in disbelief,

“Who’s that…….Robert?”

“Fuck,” Robert swore the sight of his brother.  

“Robert what’s going on?” Aaron asked quietly concerned at the sudden tension in Roberts jaw.

“Nothing it’s fine,” Robert tried to fight the distain for his brother as he marched towards them.

“Robert?!”

“Andy,” Robert nodded in greeting.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I live here,” Robert informed him bracing himself for a fight.

“What with im?” Andy screeched looking between the two of them.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Aaron shot back before Robert could answer his hands balling into fists on the table.

“Aaron,” Roberts attention was brought back to Aarons clenched fists,

“Calm down…he….he doesn’t know.”

“Know what?” Andy looked from Robert to Aaron and back again as Robert began to speak.

“That I’m…..that I’m with Aaron.”

“Like together?” Andy frowned, a little taken aback by the news.

“Yeah you got a problem with that?” Aaron sneered.

“Yeah…no…yeah,” Andy babbled as he tried to wrap is head around the fact that not only was his brother back in Emmerdale he was also gay.  

“Andy can we talk about this later over a drink maybe,” Robert interjected.

Aaron didn’t take kindly to Andys reaction,

“What’s your problem?”

“He is,” Andy spat at Robert.  

“Andy please,” Robert panicked worried what Andy would say next and how Aaron would react to it.

“Oh what you scared I’ll tell everyone what you’re really like?” 

“Robert?” Aarons voice shook letting know Robert he had to take control of the situation and fast.

“He’ll ruin your life mate just like he ruined mine,” Andy informed Aaron taking a step forward closing the distance between the three of them to just a few feet.

“Still married her didn’t ya,” Robert spat out before he could help himself regretting it instantly as Aaron features creased in confusion his voice trembling.

“Robert?”

“Oh he hasn’t told you has he,” Andy taunted with a snort.

“Andy please,” Robert begged.

“He has a right to know what he’s letting himself in for,” Andy exclaimed seemingly forgetting about Aarons personal space as he watched the exchange between the pair of them a twisted smile on his face.  

“Robert what’s he talking about?” Aaron asked his boyfriend his whole body shaking as Andy moved closer to them.

Robert could hear Aarons breathing hitch up a notch as Andy got closer.

“Andy back off,” Robert warned throwing daggers up at his brother.

“He slept with my Katie,” Andy leered over Aaron as he spoke.

Aarons face crumpled as he willed himself not to lash out, or worse cry, at Andys words.

“For fucks sake Andy just go will ya,” Robert stood up shoving his brother back slightly his eyes never leaning Aarons accessing his boyfriend’s behaviour.

“With pleasure,” Andy stepped back feeling a little guilty he’d upset Aaron but glad he had a least enacted some revenge on his brother.

“Don’t,” Robert pleaded as he dropped back in his seat knowing all of Aarons instincts were telling him to run,

“Let me explain.”  

“I….but…but you’re gay?” was all Aaron could manage as he concentrated on getting his heart rate back down.

“I am,” Robert insisted.

“But…..”

“It was a long time ago, I was confused back then I didn’t know who I was,” Robert rushed out in explanation.

“Confused what and you’re not now?” Aaron snarled and for the first time since meeting him he didn’t want to touch Robert unless it was to hurt him the way he was hurting right now.  

“Aaron please you know how I feel about you,” Roberts hand came across the table his little finger almost touching Aaron but not quite.

“Don’t,” Aaron jerked back and stood up in one fail swoop.

“Aaron love?” Chas called over from where she has just entered but neither Aaron nor Robert seemed to take notice.

“Please don’t run,” Robert begged but even as he said the words he could already sense Aarons retreat.

“I just……I need…..,” Aaron stammered but what was it that he needed, everything he thought he knew about Robert had just been shattered into a million pieces and he couldn’t breathe so he did the only thing he knew what to do; he ran.


	15. Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one for you - we are nearing the end folks but there is still a good few chapters to go, thank you for sticking with me, it means the world.
> 
> *NOTE*  
> Please be aware the next few chapter talk about the scars on Aarons wrists, if you find talk of scars or descriptions of injuries (self inflicted) triggering at all please do not read!

He ran into the back room running his hands down his face in earnest, his breath coming in raspy gasps, what the hell had just happened? He could feel the need to lash out burning inside his chest as his head became light from the lack of oxygen a wave of nausea washing over him. He thought he knew everything about Robert but had it all been a lie? He cried out in frustration kicking a kitchen chair half way across the room knocking the dining table sending a plate crashing to floor.

“Fuck,” he groaned as his teeth sank into his bottom lip; endless questions circled his mind.

He loved Robert, and he was sure Robert loved him, did this new information change that, he knew Robert was experienced and there had to be people before him, but Katie? He felt numb as his eyes fell onto the broken plate scattered across the kitchen floor and down to the scars on his wrists; pain was one of the only things that made him feel alive sometimes, more often than not he didn’t even realise he was inflicting it on himself until it was too late. Without thinking he picked up a shard of the porcelain folding his hand tight around it and suddenly he could breathe again.

As a kid he'd often end up with cuts and scrapes that were left untreated for days, eventually needing someone to take care of him which only lead to fights, that being one of the reasons his dad had kicked him out, he didn't know how to cope with a son would didn't want to be to touched. Aaron didn't blame him, rarely even thought about him if he was honest, because who could blame someone for not understanding when he didn't even understand himself half the time. So his wounds often healed by themselves and he had the scars to prove it. The ones Robert kept asking about, the ones he didn’t know how to explain. As a teenager he got better at taking care of himself, was a dab hand with a first aid kit until he let Paddy take care of those things. The vet. The man with the knowledge of how to tame the wild beast. Now as the blood flowed from his hand he realised it was a little too deep and he started to feel faint. He stumbled backwards and fell against the kitchen units, sliding to the floor his body trembling as the panic took over and that's where Robert found him.

“Aaron?” Robert called as he walked through door deciding he’d given him enough time, he needed to explain what Andy had said, his heart rate spiking as he took in the scene before him.

“AARON!!”

Robert ran towards him sinking to his knees in front of Aaron hastily brushing the broken plate aside as he tried to work out what state the younger man was in. His eyes widened as he saw the blood dripping from his closed fist, the stark reality of the scars on Aarons wrists dawning on him.

“What have you done?”

Aaron shook his head at the sound of Roberts voice his eyes unable to focus as he tried to remember how to breathe.

“Aaron can you hear me? T-tell me what to do,” Robert managed to hiss out through his own panic but when Aaron didn’t or couldn’t answer he turned his head towards the door yelling,

“CHAS!” before turning back to a mumbling Aaron leaning closer so he could hear him.  

Aarons whole body was shaking but the familiar scent of Roberts warm minty breath let him know he was safe and that Robert was close, closer than he should be, so close in fact when Aarons eyes gained focus again he could see the freckles that ran across the bridge of his nose and something in the back of his mind was telling him he had to stay conscious so he leant forward and began to count the light brown flecks on the face in front on him.

Robert noticed Aarons forward motion his eyes coming to focus so he found them with his own holding him there,

“Aaron what do you need?” he asked his eyes glancing at his still bleeding fist.

“Meds,” Aaron huffed out with what little energy he could muster before he slumped back, the sun kissed speckles on Roberts skin dancing in front of his eyes.

Robert had become somewhat of an expert in all things Aaron over the past month; he even carried his anxiety medication with him because he knew Aaron forgot to. He dug in his jeans pocket and pulled out the small medication bottle,

“These?”

Aaron nodded; Robert unscrewed the lid cursing Chas under his breath, where the hell was she?  

The only thing about the medication was that it impaired Aarons judgement, made him sleepy, spaced out and he wasn’t sure that was the best thing right now but on the plus side it managed to calm him down even in the most extreme circumstances. Robert had witnessed him take it a few weeks ago when they’d gone into Hotten but there hadn’t been blood then, not Aarons anyway.

Robert knew he needed to get Aaron to take the tablet which in this state was easier said than done. With his rapidly beating heart he stood up grabbing a glass from the draining board and filling it with water voicing his actions so Aaron knew exactly what he was doing trying to take his tone calm. Returning to his earlier position he looked down at Aarons hand still balled in a fist the blood seeming to have slowed as his grip on whatever it was had loosen. Robert stared down at his own hands, glass of water in one and yellow pill in the other wondering how on earth he could accomplish what he needed to do without touching Aaron.

Aarons breathing was coming in short sharp bursts and Robert knew he was losing him.


	16. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said in the previous chapter - Aarons scars as well as self inflicted injuries are mentioned in these upcoming chapters, if you find any of that triggering please do not read!

“Aaron listen to me, concentrate on my voice, in and out, in and out,” Robert urged as Paddys instructions came flooding back to him.

“Aaron I’m gonna have to….”

Aaron held out his hand for the tablet the broken fragment of the plate dropping to the floor as Robert fought back the tears that pricked at the back of his eyes repeating,

“What have you done?”

Roberts question was enough to make him jerk his hand back cradling it to his chest.

“Aaron we have to get this in you,” Robert held his hands up emphasising what he meant.  

“I know,” Aaron crocked out as he rocked back and forth banging his shoulders against the cupboard door but giving Robert no indication he was willing do so.

“Okay,” Robert took a deep breath,

“Open,” he instructed surprised how calm his sounded as he heart tried to escape his chest.

Aaron squinted as he tried to focus on Roberts words.

“Like this,” Robert let his mouth fall open and with an encouraging nod of his head Aaron copied his movements.

“That’s it,” Robert encouraged his voice taking a similar tone to Paddys had back when he’d first seen one of Aarons attacks in the garage.

“Tongue out,” he prompted adding,

“Your doing so well,” making Aarons eyes widen as he sucked in a sharp breath realising what Robert was about to do.  

“No,” Aaron shook his head but seeing Roberts proud smile he let his tongue drop from his mouth screwing his eyes shut as he felt Roberts body move closer.

Robert took another deep breath bracing himself for the inevitable punch as he dropped the tablet on to his tongue bringing the glass up to Aarons lips he held it in place as he poured the contents into his open mouth.

“Close. Swallow,” Robert carried on instructing as he watched gulp of Aarons throat trying not to think about the enormity of what Aaron had just let him do.

“Good good,” he signed with relief as Chas burst through the door.

“Finally!” Robert cried as he stood up to face her.

“Robert what’s…..what the hell are you doing?” Chas accused as her eyes took in the scene before her; she hadn’t failed to notice just how close the blonde had been to her son.

“Nothing I just….I didn’t know what else to do?” Robert knelt back on his heels as he looked up at his eyes swimming with unshed tears.

“Get Paddy,” Chas snapped pointing towards the door.

“No,” they both turned towards Aarons small voice.

“Don’t,” Aaron almost cried the thought of him leaving making him panic and for the very first time he reached out for Robert.

“I’m not leaving him,” Robert said firmly in Chas direction; Aaron dropped his hand as soon as Robert crouched down to reassure him of presence,

“I’m here.”

Aaron forced out a tight smile his hand coming back to his chest before his eyes dropped closed again.

“Chas he needs Paddy he’s hurt,” Robert informed her his eyes trained on Aaron.

“Hurt how?” Chas dropped to her knees at the side of Aaron who jolted away from his mother’s touch the hurt clear on her face.

“I’ll get him,” she announced Aarons rejection making her voice crack before she rushed off leaving Robert alone with Aaron who was beginning to lose his grip of reality as the medication worked its way through his system.

Roberts eyes never left Aaron as he watched the hand still cradled to his chest rise and fall with each breath he took.

“Aaron!” Paddy called a few minutes later but noticing Aaron was under the influence of his medication he turned to Robert and asked,

“What happened?”

“He…err…we….I don’t know,” he huffed out hoping that his gut was wrong, that Aaron hadn’t hurt himself because of him,

“His hand…he’s bleeding.”

Paddy eyes flashed up to Chas who nodded confirming what he’d already suspected; Aaron had hurt himself.

“I’ve given him one of these,” Robert thrust the bottle he’d discarded on the floor in Paddys direction.

“It was that bad?”

“I didn’t know what else to do,” Robert admitted with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

“Okay,” Paddy breathed out turning his attention to Aaron, his voice soft and gentle as he asked,

“Aaron can I look?”

Aaron struggled to open his eyes but when he did and saw Paddy and not Robert he shrunk back into himself his arm coming further up his body protecting himself.

“Aaron please,” Paddy tried in gentle persuasion.

Aaron shook his head his eyes landing on Robert who has moved away to let Paddy in but his voice was close when he begged,

“Aaron please let Paddy have a look.”

“I have to look,” Paddy added.

“You,” Aaron huffed his eyes still focused on Robert.  

All three of them inhaled sharply at Aarons request.

“I don’t…,” Robert panicked but one look at Aarons wide eyes and he knew he couldn’t deny him.

“Okay,” Robert exhaled as he shuffled into his earlier position in front of Aaron, slowly reaching out towards him, his injured hand still pulled tightly into his chest.

“Breathe with me Aaron, come on just like at the garage,” Robert said his voice stronger then he felt.

Paddy and Chas exchanged a look, what exactly had they been doing at the garage, but Robert didn’t notice he was focused solely on Aaron.

“You can do it, just me and you,” Robert shifted closer his brain flooding his body with a renewed bought of adrenaline letting him know something big was about to happen.   

Aaron nodded screwing his eyes shut he dropped the arm that was supporting his injured hand and as Robert held out his hand his palm facing up his heart once again began to pound at the possibility of finally touching Aaron.

“Open your eyes Aaron,” Robert softly instructed not wanting to touch him without him knowing exactly where to expect the connection.

Aarons eyes struggled to refocus as he saw Robert approaching hand the Benzodiazepine in his system starting to kick in.

“In and out.”

Roberts rhythmical voice washed over him soothing him as he followed his instruction breathing in and out in time with Roberts words. After a few cycles he let his hand fall shakily into Roberts. For a brief second Robert let his mind register the tingling sensation that crawled up his arm from the touch but as he looked down he once again had to fight back the urge to cry as he it became apparent the damage Aaron had caused.

“Oh Aaron,” he let out before he could help it followed quickly by,

“I got you when,” he felt the muscles in Aarons arm tense from his touch.

Aarons skin burned where it touched Roberts and his breath hitched as he clamped his eyes shut fighting his bodys urge to pull away.

 “Quick,” Robert directed at Paddy as he noted the changes in Aarons behaviour, he wasn’t the only one, Paddy quickly handing him an antiseptic wipe.

His nostrils flaring at the strong smell, Robert wiped away the congealing blood from Aarons hands revealing a jagged slice just below his thumb, Aaron hissed at the contact but the smell which normally made him nauseous had no effect as the medication swam through his veins in fact he relished in the coolness against his the burn of his skin, not sure if the heat was from the wound or from the feel Roberts soft palm under him.

Robert breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the cut wasn’t too deep smiling weakly up at Aaron,

“Not so bad.”

Paddy strained his neck to look at Aarons hand, silently accessing the open wound deciding it was clean enough for just a dressing. So with Paddys careful instruction Robert dressed small wound, his fingers running across Aarons palm as he pressed the white gauze in place.

“All done,” he announced softly sitting back when he was done sighing as his hand disconnected from Aarons, the worry for the man in front of him outweighing the thought sat in the back of his mind; he’d finally touched the man he loved.

Aaron opened one eye,

“I…” but with the tingling now gone he felt too drained to speak.

“How are you feeling love?” Chas asked tentatively she’d watched the whole ordeal her hand over her mouth.

“Tired,” Aaron managed to groan knowing how much his rejection had hurt her.

“Can you stand?” Paddy asked as he climbed to his feet.

It took him minutes for the question to sink in and then a bit longer as he attempted to stand but after a few stumbles he managed to pull his himself up to standing using the worktop as leverage, wincing when he put pressure on his hand Robert was by his side in an instant.

“Careful.”

“I’m fine,” Aaron barked his face burning in embarrassment.  

“Aaron,” Robert choked.

“What?” Aaron spat back as he head began to pound.

“Don’t push me away please.”

“I…….I’m tired,” Aarons eyes drooped as he spoke all he wanted was to sleep.

“I’ll take you up,” Chas interjected almost shoving Robert out of the way as she came to stand by Aarons side.

Aaron shrank back and despite the urge he had to push Robert away his eyes found the blondes once again which didn’t go unnoticed.

“It’s alright I’m still here,” Robert reassured him and he followed closely behind him as he slowly made his way out of the room and up the stairs.


	17. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Aaron finally let Robert touch him but in his drug fuelled panicked state will he remember? But first Robert has to deal with Chas and Paddy.
> 
> NOTE  
> The next few chapters talk about Aarons scars and self inflicted injuries - if you find any of that triggering please do not read.

Chas was in shock as she watched Aaron leave the room Robert close behind him his hands out ready to catch him if he fell; not only had Aaron rejected her touch but he’d wanted Robert to take care of him and not her or Paddy.

“Chas,” Paddy called when he looked up to see her pained expression.

“We’ve lost him Paddy,” she croaked as her voice broke.

“Did you not just see what I did?” Paddy asked her softly.

“What?” she yelled back in confusion, all shed seen was Aarons rejection.

“He let Robert tend to him; he’s never done that before.”

“Exactly,” she spat hating that paddy was right; she’d never seen Aaron reach out for anyone before like he had done just then with Robert but she also knew that what Aaron had done was all his fault.

“Chas you can’t…” Paddy warned knowing her too well.

“Can’t I?” Chas cried,

“Look what he’s done to him.”

“He was scared Chas and Roberts helping him can’t you see that?” Paddy tried to reason with her.

“No it’s because of him he did this.”

“What do you mean?” Paddy puzzled.

Chas re-laid what Cain had told her about the scene between Robert and Andy in the pub earlier, they were so engrossed they didn’t hear Roberts return.

“What and Aaron didn’t know?” Paddy took his glasses off to press his fingers into his eyes hoping the pressure would dampen the headache he felt coming on. 

“Aaron didn’t know what?” Robert interrupted them as he pushed through the door, he hated to leave him but he was asleep as soon as his head it the pillow and he wasn’t sure how he’d feel if he woke to find him there.

“This is your fault,” Chas snapped at him.

“I know,” Robert admitted guiltily much to Chas’ surprise, he’d accepted as much when he saw Aaron on the floor.

“I never meant to hurt him,” Robert whispered into the room.

“What so you’re not gay?”

“I am,” Robert insisted but he knew they wouldn’t understand so he said the only thing he could,  

“And I…”

“Don’t you dare,” Chas jabbed a finger in his face stopping him before he could get the rest of his words out.

“What?” Paddy looked between hem obviously missing something but both Chas and Robert knew what was left unsaid, Robert loved Aaron.

They continued to stare at each other until Robert asked feebly,

“Did he do that because of me?”

“Yes,” Chas accused.

“Chas,” Paddy corrected, they didn’t know for sure.

“The scars…,” Robert voice cracked and he knew if he spoke more his tears would start and he was afraid they’d never stop.

“We don’t know he’s never….”

“Paddy,” it was Chas turn to chastise but Paddy ignored her,

“He’s never told us how he got them but we’ve suspected.”

“On purpose?” Robert choked back a sob as Paddy nodded his confirmation,

“Yes we think so.”  

“Has he told you?” Chas asked suddenly curious if her son had let this man in.

Robert shook his head not trusting himself not to break down at the thought of Aaron intentionally hurting himself because of him.

“Can’t you just leave him alone,” Chas cried.

Roberts eyes flashed up at Chas in horror as his chin began to wobble at the thought of never seeing Aaron again.

“If….,” he sniffed, 

“If that’s what he wants.”

“Let’s not make any rash decisions shall we,” Paddy stood up holding his hands up in between them.

“No Paddy you’ve seen him,” Chas exclaimed.  

“Yes and I’ve also seen the way he is with Robert open your eyes Chas, Aarons fragile right now,” Paddy told her pointing at Robert as he spoke,

“You can’t send away the one person he’s letting in.”

“I’m sorry Paddy I’m not as patient as you,” Chas hissed.

“Think about it Chas, think about what Aaron wants,” Paddy begged but he knew her mind was made up, shed would run Robert out of the village before she let him back into Aarons life.

She couldn’t deny that over the last few weeks Aaron has been like a different person and she knew that was down to Robert but she also had seen what he was like today and it wasn’t worth the risk of losing him.

“I don’t care,” Chas declared as she crossed her arms over her chest as if her opinion was all that mattered.

“Chas doesn’t he deserve to be happy?” Paddy asked his eyes wandering over to Robert who stood watching their exchange in silence.  

“Happy Paddy he just cut himself because he found out that he….” she sneered at Robert,

“Slept with Katie.”  

“It was a long time ago,” Robert uttered under his breath not sure if wither of them even cared.

“Just go will ya,” Chas shrieked with a dismissive wave of her hand.

“I can’t…” Robert confessed looking up to the ceiling.

“Maybe it’s for the best just for now,” Paddy interjected.

“I….” Robert let his mouth fall open; he couldn’t leave; not now he suspected how Aaron had got his scars.

“You are the reason he hurt himself,” Chas screamed the words were like a punch to his stomach because he knew they were true and despite his worry for Aaron he couldn’t take anymore he had to get out of there.

He managed to make it all the way to Keepers Cottage before the guilt ripped him open and he burst into tears.

*

“Rob,” Vic called from the living room but he didn't hear her over his sobs.

“Rob! What happened?” Vic cried in panic as he ran to her brothers side wrapping her arms around him holding on tighter as he shrugged her off but it was no use he needed the comfort she brought.

The enormity of what just happened weighed heavily on him making it hard to breathe as his tears continued to flow.

“Talk to me,” Vic pleaded.

“Aaron,” was all he could choke out before another wave of tears hit him.

“Is...is he alright?” Vic questioned after a brief assessment of her brother but her words fell on deaf ears as Roberts body heaved with sobs.

“I thought I was helping him but I've lost him haven't I?”

“Rob what happened?” Vic pushed again.

“He...,” Robert started but he couldn't say it, if he did it would be true and he needed to see the truth in Aarons eyes before he would believe it.

“Andy,” he sniffed as he tried to piece together the events of the afternoon for Vic.

“He's back?”

Robert nodded wiping away his still falling tears with the back of his hand,

“He..he told Aaron.”

“He told Aaron what? Wait…he saw you?” Vic shrieked she hadn’t expected him for a least a few more days, she’d wanted to warm him about Robert.

Robert nodded again as he watched the realisation settle on his sisters face.

“He'll understand Robert,” she tried to reassure him in her soothing tone.

“You think I care about that,” Robert snapped as his chin wobbled causing Vic to back away slightly.

“Sorry,” he let out as he tried to calm his raspy breaths.

“What did Andy do?” Vic asked her voice quiet she didn’t want to provoke him again.

“Katie,” Robert breathed out on explanation.

“Oh,” Vic could imagine that bit of news hadn’t gone down well.  

“He ran away Vic,” Robert let out in a gasp,

“Before I could explain.”

“Just give him time,” Vic rubbed his upper arm in an effort to comfort him.

“I can't,” he cried as another bout of tears threatened at the back of his already tired eyes.

“Why?”

“Chas she....she wants me to leave.”

“What?!” Vic exclaimed in horror she knew Chas didn’t like her brother but to ask him to leave when they were clearly in love she shook her head at the thought.  

“He...,” Robert started again he couldn't say it out loud,

“He was in a bad way and he wouldn't let anyone help him...only me.”

“See you are helping him,” Vic offered her voice full of hope.

“Or hurting him,” Robert grimaced.

“How are you hurting him Rob?”

“Doesn't matter. I can't leave him Vic I can't…..I just can’t,” he wailed his head dropping to his knees as the sobs wracked through his chest.

“Shh shhh come here it'll alright,” Vic tried to reassure him  

“I don't know what to do without him,” Robert confessed inhaling sharply through his nose; he'd only known Aaron for a few weeks but he knew a life without Aaron was no life at all.

*

As soon as Robert had directed him to bed and his head had hit the pillow, after asking Robert not to leave him, Aaron had fallen asleep. Chas let him sleep for a few hours knowing how much his anxiety medication took out of him. As the day turned to night she crept up the stairs and knocked light on his door before pushing it open.

“Mum?” Aaron groaned squinting as the light from the hallway hit is eyes his stomach rolling as he tried to sit up.

“Yes love,” she said giving him a tight smile.

“Where's Robert?”

Chas' face fell but she tried to hide it with a cheery,

“Brought you a brew,” holding the mug up in the light so he could see.

“How ya feeling?” she asked setting the mug on the bedside table before perching on the end of his bed.

“Like shit,” Aaron grumbled as he rubbed his eyes noticing the dressing on his hand as he did so,

“What happened?”

“You...,” she looked down at his hand,

“Hurt yourself,” she gulped.

“I don't remember,” Aaron whispered but even as he said it he felt a burning sensation his fingers something so familiar about it yet he couldn’t quite recall it.

“It’s okay baby I'll let you get some rest.”

“Where's Robert?” he repeated as she got up to leave.

“I...I sent him home,” Chas lied before insisting,

“Get some rest.”

Aaron nodded his eyes drifting closed as the darkness once again fell on his room.


	18. Eighteen

Aaron woke up the next morning his head pounding from the after effects of the medication but he could open his eyes without feeling too nauseous which was an encouraging sign. His hand itched where the dressing pulled at the skin as he tested his range of movement, pretty good all things considered.

“Shit,” he groaned when he saw the time; he was already late for work, well late for Robert.

He crawled out of bed and headed for the shower, from what his could remember about yesterday he owed Robert an explanation just as much as he needed one. Chas must have heard him move because she was up and dressed as he made his way into the living room.

“Morning love.”

“Morning,” he grunted in greeting as he pulled open draws in the kitchen looking for something to take the edge of the pounding in his head, the action causing flashbacks of a burning sensation crawling up his skin, something so familiar about it but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

He remembered the confrontation with Andy in the pub, he remembered the need to run and looking down at his bandaged hand he assumed he had and worse, he remembered hearing Robert calling his name but as he recalled it his heart started to beat faster as he remembered panic in the blondes voice. Popping two Paracetamol he guzzled a glass full of water swallowing them down wiping away the excess with the back of his hand as another image hit him; Robert pouring water in his mouth.

“Where are you going?” Chas barked when he suddenly bolted for the door.

“Work,” he grunted.

“Aaron you don't have too,” Chas whined.

“I need to see Robert,” Aaron replied; he needed to see his boyfriend, if he could still call him that  after yesterday, to ask him what the hell happened and why his hand felt like it was on fire somehow knowing it was more than just what lay beneath the dressing.

“If he knows what's good for him he won't be there,” Chas remarked turning her back on her son.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Aaron demanded making Chas spin back around.

“It's because of him you’re in this state,” she cried pointing to his injured hand.

“It wasn’t his fault!” Aaron argued but even as he said it he wasn’t sure what he was saying was true.

“I told him to leave,” Chas said matter of factly.

“What?!” Aaron roared making Chas recoil from his voice.

“I told him…..”

“I heard you!” Aaron hissed as he sucked in a breath before heading out the door.

“Where are you going?” Chas called after him.

“To find him.”

“Aaron wait….” but all she heard in reply was the slam of the door behind him.

*

Robert watched the light change as the sun rose behind the curtains in the living room his eyes raw from his endless tears. Vic had left him at some point during the night but he'd stayed where she'd guided him. He’d been unable to sleep his mind too busy on Aaron, his hand clutching his phone desperately waiting for a call that never came as he thought about what he could have done to prevent the events of yesterday. If he'd just told Aaron the truth about why he'd left the village, why he'd never come back none of this would have happened. It wasn't that he lied, he just didn't tell him the full story, that he'd slept with Katie knowing full well it would hurt Andy but also the prove to himself what he'd suspected all along, he was gay. Knowing his Dad wouldn't approve especially after hurting Andy, which he regretted, he left and hadn’t looked back. That was until a few weeks ago when he returned for Vic but ended up finding something so much more in the local mechanic with the blue eyes. But Aarons bond with his mum and Paddy was breaking because of him and he couldn’t allow that to happen, not when Aaron had relied on them so much, seeing Chas’ face yesterday when he’d refused her touch was heart breaking. Touch; he looked down at his palm he could still feel the weight of Aarons hand in his, the hardness of his skin where his fingers began. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about it yesterday too concerned about Aaron but now in the early morning light it was impossible not to, he’d finally touched Aaron and it was everything he’d dreamt it would be and yet so much worse. If he’d been the one to cause Aaron to hurt himself because he made a stupid mistake a decade ago how could he possibly entertain the thought that they could be together. No, he pushed the thought away despite what Chas and Paddy might think he knew Aaron better than that, knew he wouldn’t hurt himself on purpose but what else would explain the scars. He clamped his hand around his phone and contemplated ringing his boyfriend, if he could even call him that still, but instead of calling Aaron he brought up his new favourite web page and began reading the comments other people had left about dealing with phobias like Aarons. There were a few posts that seemed to make valid points one even suggested that getting a specially training dog that could sense Aarons anxiety and do something to change the situation might help but again that would involved being able to be touched. As he flicked through the endless threads  one post in particular caught his eye and the more he read the more he knew he had to try the tactic not just for Aarons sake for his too but would he even get the chance now Chas wanted him gone? He knew if he left there would be a shadow of Aaron over his heart no matter where he went. He couldn’t leave him but if he was hurting him maybe he had to let him go, could he do that, walk away from Aaron for good? He ran his hands through his hair tugging slightly hoping to pull some kind of decision out of his head as his eyes found the clock above the mantelpiece.  

“Shit,” he hissed jumping up, his mind racing as he pulled on a jacket glancing back at the time, he was already late.

“Robert you're not leaving are you?” Vic panicked as she ran down the stairs, stopping him at the front door.

“Not yet,” he sighed he still hadn't made up his mind on what to do.

“If you're afraid of hurting him just think how hurt he would be if you did leave,” Vic pointed out the truth of her words washing over him.

“When did you get so wise?” he gave her a small smile reaching up to press his lips to her forehead in gratitude before he headed out the door his mind made up; there was no way he could leave him even if it meant they would only ever be friends.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and all your feedback, it means more than you will ever know <3


	19. Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So only a few chapters to go :)
> 
> How will the boys react to each other now they have finally touched? And will Robert listen to Chas?
> 
> Please note - Aarons injuries are discussed in the next three chapters so if you find this triggering at all please do not read

Aaron raced to the garage in the hopes Robert hadn’t taken notice of his mum and was waiting for him a brew in hand just like every other morning.

“Robert,” he called but it was no use, the garage was locked up; no one was there.

“Here,” Robert called from behind him as he walked up the gravel drive his fingers playing with the keys in his hand.

“Your late,” Aaron whispered as he turned around his breath hitching when he saw the sadness in his once sparklingly eyes.

“So are you,” Robert muttered his eyes falling down to his hand, the stark white of the dressing bright against Aarons dark skin, he’d been so sure a few moments ago but maybe Chas was right he thought and he started to turn away.

“Don't,” Aaron cried when he saw Roberts intention.

“Don't what?” Robert exhaled turning back towards Aaron.

“Whatever me mum said don't listen,” Aaron begged.

“Aaron…”

“I don't care Robert I don't care if you slept with Katie,” Aaron rushed out as he exhaled the panic at the possibility of losing Robert making it hard to breath as his head continued to pound the pain pills he’d swallowed a few minutes ago seeming to have no effect whatsoever.

“Are you sure about that Aaron? These past few weeks have….I’ve felt the happiest a person could ever feel….” Roberts heart broke as he saw Aaron nod in encouragement,

“But…..,” Chas’ words echoed around his head, he didn’t want to say it to hurt him but he knew he had to for both their sakes,

“But there were other days when it hurt, it hurts not to touch you, it hurts so much I can feel it here,” he balled his fist up into his chest.

“Robert I……”

“I’m not trying to push you I know you need time….”

“I’m not ready to give up on us,” Aaron fought as he voice trembled.

“I’m not giving up Aaron…..” Robert let out a strangled sob,

“I’m…..I’m letting you go.”

“Don’t,” Aaron pleaded closing the distance between them silently begging his body to let him reach out to Robert.

“It’s what everyone wants,” Robert cried meaning Chas and Paddy.

“I don’t care about anyone else what do you….” Aaron started to ask but was afraid of the answer the gap between them close enough for him to see the dark circles under Roberts eyes.

“You,” Robert admitted with another sob,

“I want you Aaron more than I’ve ever wanted anyone and it scares me I know it scares you too.”

“Yes I’m afraid,” Aaron quietly explained.

“Of me?” Robert gasped the guilt he’d felt last night rolling over him again making him clutch his chest.

“Of losing you,” Aaron breathed out.

“Look at you, look at what I did to you,” Robert croaked pointing down at Aarons injured hand,

“I hurt you.”

Aaron shook his head dismissively,

“You’re hurting us both now.”

“I’m trying to do the right thing here,” Robert informed him tears streaking his face.

The panic Aaron was feeling at Roberts words was like nothing he’d ever felt before, his eyes followed Roberts down to his hands and as he closed them he knew he had to give him something, anything to make him stay.

“I can still feel it ya know.”

“Feel what?” Robert sniffed.

“You….” Aaron opened his eyes and looked up to find Roberts bloodshot eyes with his,

“Where you touched me.”

“So can I but…..” Robert admitted surprised Aaron could remember, his hands coming up in front of him as his thumb circled his palm where Aarons hand had sat in his.

“But what?”

“It shouldn’t have been like that, our first touch,” Robert sighed regretfully.

“Then let’s forget it ever happened,” Aaron argued.

“What?” Robert panicked clearly thinking Aaron meant them, forget they ever happened.

“I don’t mean like that I just mean yesterday, can we go back and forget yesterday, all that stuff with Andy it never happened.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Robert frowned to which Aaron just shrugged.

“Because I’m not, I need to know Aaron.”

“Know what?” Aaron asked in confusion he didn’t know what Robert was asking but at least he was still talking.  

Roberts gaze dropped down to Aarons wrists,

“The scars I need to know.”

Aarons throat tightened, how did he explain to Robert something he’d never told anyone, not even his mum or Paddy, something he didn’t understand himself,

“Your right, let’s just forget it.”

“Aaron..,” Robert shook his head.

“Us it could never work,” Aaron managed choke out to get out before his fear had his feet moving away.

“Aaron what are you saying?” Robert cried out in disbelief, was Aaron breaking up with him?

“I….just forget it,” Aaron spat dismissively as he backed away.

The thought that he might hurt himself again propelled Robert forward,

“Aaron!”

It only took a few steps for Robert to catch up with him,

“I’m not letting you run away this time.”

“Just leave me alone Robert,” Aaron jerked away from him even though Robert hadn’t made to touch him.

“If that’s what you really want I’ll go,” Robert choked back a sob.

“You want to know what I want,” Aaron yelled his eyes wild making Robert instinctively step back bracing himself for Aarons fist.  

“Yes,” Robert hissed out between gritted teeth.

“YOU! I want to touch you, all the fucking time okay,” Aaron roared finally confessing the need he’d had since he’d first laid eyes on Robert,

“It takes so much effort not reach out to you but I’m scared….no terrified my bodies gonna reject you,” Aaron eyes danced with the truth as his face crumpled,

“I want you Robert.”

“I want you too,” Robert reaffirmed what Aaron already knew.

“How? How could you…..,” Aaron pointed to him,

“Want a freak like me?” 

“You are not a freak,” Robert argued his voice stern.

“Look,” Aaron shoved his sleeves up thrusting his wrists towards the blonde.

“You wanna know how I got these?”

Robert nodded as his stomach dropped suddenly afraid of knowing.

“My dad,” Aaron spat.

“What your dad this to you?”

“No,” Aaron ran a hand down his face sucking his bottom lip in between his teeth.

“I don’t…” Roberts brow creased as he tried to comprehend what Aaron was saying.

“My dad didn’t understand, couldn’t cope and these are the results.”

“I’m not following Aaron, if he did this to you…”

“It was me,” Aaron cried it felt so good to finally tell someone,

“Because I wouldn’t let him help me, he couldn’t cope with that so he kicked me out.”

“Aaron,” Robert let out his as he exhaled assessing Aarons body language as he took a step closer.

“I’m not gonna lie the pain helps,” Aaron admitted flippantly.

“Aaron did you…..” Robert stressed.

“I just wanted the breath again I didn’t know what I’d done until it was too late,” Aaron cried softly batting away his falling tears with the back of his hand.

“Oh Aaron,” Robert whispered and as he looked into Aarons eyes he saw the pain he’d had to endure and somehow that only made him love him more.

“I don’t want your sympathy Robert this isn’t why I’m telling you,” Aaron said firmly noticing the emotional on his boyfriends; was he still his boyfriend; face.

“Than what do you want?” Robert asked softly.

“I just fucking told you,” Aaron shouted but even as he did his body retreated as Robert tried to move closer.

“Then why are you backing away?”

“I can’t….this,” Aaron tapped his fist against his temple,

“This won’t let me.”

“We were doing so well though,” Roberts eyes flitted across towards the garage.

“And I fucked that up too,” Aaron pointed out his head dropping down to look at his hand.

“No I did I should have told you…. about Katie,” Robert said guiltily.

“Did you love her?” Aaron blurted out, not sure where that question had come from but now he’d said it he needed to know.

“No I’ve never….not until you,” Robert gave him that half smile, the one he saved just for Aaron and he knew he was telling the truth.

“Oh.”

“I was a confused messed up kid,” Robert tried to elaborate.

“Guess we have that in common,” Aaron let out a humourless laugh.

“Guess so,” Robert nodded in an agreement.

They stood staring at each other for a few minutes, Roberts body mimicking Aarons sway as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

“What now?”

“How about we skip work and just spend the day together just you and me,” Robert suggested.

“You and me,” Aaron reiterated Roberts words with a hint of a smile on his lips.  

“And we can touch or not touch it’s up to you.”  

“Not touch,” Aaron rushed out.

“Okay,” Robert nodded as he tried not to let the disappointment show on his face,

“I want this to work Aaron.”

“Me too,” Aaron agreed with a smile.


	20. Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its the beginning of the end guys, really nervous about the last three chapters, I just hope I've got it right.
> 
> I just want to take this opportunity and say a massive thank you to every single one of you that has read this story, left kudos or a comment, all of it means so much more than you will ever know <3

They spent the rest of the day exploring the outskirts of the village, Robert always two steps behind Aaron giving him the space he needed for which the young mechanic was grateful. They talked about their fraught relationships with their fathers as they walked, opening up to each other in a way they hadn’t done before and as the light began to fade and their stomachs rumbled they headed back towards the village stealing glances at each other whatever tension had been between them had melted away as they bit back smiles that showed just how happy they were to be in each other’s company although Roberts half smile had not left his face since hearing the words ‘I want to touch you’ come from Aarons mouth.

Their conversation seemed to stop as soon as they hit the village itself, each of them lost in their own thoughts, Aarons hands shoved deep in his pockets making Robert wonder if this was on purpose so he didn’t reach out. Soon they were stood outside the pub and as Robert turned to face him Aaron he shoved his hands deeper into his jeans as the constant tingle was replaced by the burning memory of Roberts hand under his.  

“Can I….can I come up?” Robert swayed a shy smile on his lips.

“Erm…I…don’t…..really?” Aaron stumbled over his words.

“No…your right….ill just…,” Robert turned to leave he knew it was a stupid idea but he didn’t want the day to end.

“Robert wait,” Aaron called after him,

“It’s not that I don’t want to its just……”

“I know okay, I know Aaron, I’ve……” but Robert stopped himself.

“You’ve what?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Robert shook his head suddenly embarrassed he’d let slip that he’d thought about this moment too many times in the past few weeks, every time they had said goodnight he’d tried to pick up the courage to say something to Aaron but never did, now after what had happened yesterday, how it felt to hold Aaron just for a little while he knew he couldn’t let that go, he didn’t want to.

“Robert if we are gonna do this we need to talk to each other because without that I have no idea what you’re thinking.”

“Okay,” Robert took a deep breath,

“I’ve read everything there is out there and I think we could spend the night together without touching,” Robert pinched the bridge of his noise not quite believing he was about to say the next words,

“I just wanna wake up next to you.”

“You…you did that…for me?” Aaron marvelled; no one had ever made that kind of effect for him before not even his mum.

“I’d do anything for you Aaron.”

And it was times like this that Aaron desperately wanted to close the gap between them but was scared of hurting Robert if he body decided to reject him, he couldn’t handle losing Robert not like that.

“Okay,” Aaron confirmed with a nod.

“Really?”

“What did you expect?” Aaron let out a small chuckle at Roberts surprise.

“I’m not sure,” Robert shrugged in honesty.

“What do we do?” Aaron asked nervously.

“Just lay next to each other, facing each other, leaving a gap of course, if you like,” Robert shrugged leaving the decision up to Aaron.

Aaron looked at Robert and nodded,

“Okay I can do that.”

Robert stepped forward closing the gap between them but Aaron backed away.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Robert breathed inclining his head towards the pub,

“How about a drink first?”

*

Instead of heading for the pubs front door like Robert expected Aaron lead him to around to the back door, once inside the hallway he turned stopping abruptly when he noticed Robert close behind him and all Aaron could think about as he inhaled Roberts warm minty breath was what it would be like to touch him when he was sober, to feel is skin underneath his fingertips.

“Aaron,” Robert breathed across his skin as he noticed Aaron eyes darken.

“Sorry….I,” Aaron shook his head breaking whatever spell he’d been under,

“Beer?”

Robert stepped back before he did something he’d nodding his head in agreement as he fought the urge to pull Aaron back into him.

“You better stay here,” Aaron advised over his shoulder the last thing he needed was for him mum to catch them together.

“Riiiiight,” Robert rolled his eyes now the entry point made sense, Aaron was sneaking him in.    

“It’s not like that,” Aaron shot back at Roberts accusatory tone.  

“What so I’m not your dirty little secret now then?”

“Robert…”

“Sorry,” Robert mumbled Chas disapproval wasn’t Aarons fault.

“I just want..” Aaron started but trailed off hoping Robert understood what he was trying to say.

“I know.”

With one last look over his shoulder Aaron pushed open the door to the back room letting out a sigh of relief when he found the room empty. He grabbed two bottles of beer from his personal stash in the fridge returning back to the hallway to find Robert sat on the bottom step his head in his hands.

“What…” Aaron panicked but Roberts voice stopped him.

“I….,” Robert looked up reaching out for the beer his body tense as he prepared himself for Aarons rejection but when it didn’t come he stood up slowly his hand clamping around the cool glass as Aaron held the neck of the bottle.

Aaron swallowed hard as he let Robert take the bottle from him, his eyes burning straight through him as they stood staring at each other in silence. Without another word Robert turned around and headed up to Aarons room making the brunette anxiously chew on his bottom lip as he followed him up the stairs. Robert opened the door for Aaron stepping aside to let him pass earning him an eye roll as he did so Robert joked,

“Nothing special, just human” hoping Aaron understood a smile spreading across his lips when Aaron responded with,

“Nothing special, that why you can’t take your eyes off me?” his cheeks flaming red as he said the words.

“Aaron,” Robert breathed out as he fell back against the now closed door and just like Aaron said his eyes travelled down his body drinking him in.

He brought the bottle to his lips tilting his head back as he drink he eyes trained on Aaron who perched on the edge of his bed. Robert pushed himself away from the door with his shoulder blades placing the bottle on the chest of drawers his eyes boring into Aarons as he let his hands come up to his shirt.

“What…what are you doing?” Aaron cried as he saw Robert grab the hem of his shirt.

“Erm oh I just thought….never mind,” Roberts hands fell back to his sides.

“You wanna…….?,” Aaron gulped.

Robert took a step closer to Aaron, just one, so Aaron could see his intension.

“I want to be with you Aaron any way I can but if this makes you uncomfortable in anyway than I’ll go,” Robert said sadly indicating the door.

“Don’t.”

Robert looked at Aaron for clarification a smile spreading across his face as Aaron stood up,

“Stay.”

Aaron had never felt so anxious in his life and that was saying something considering his quirks. His nerves seemed to pool in the pit of his stomach as his hands fumbled with the fastening of his jeans.

“Aaron you don’t…”

“Just shut up will ya,” Aaron grumbled.

“Sorry,” Robert apologised again.

By the time he’d managed to get the zip of his fly down his hands were sweating, he had to wipe them on his denim clad thighs before he pushed the material down, bending his knees to remove his socks at the same time, turning slightly to kick the discarded clothes away from his body. When he faced Robert again his face was burning as he pulled down on his t shirt in an attempt to cover as much of his body as he could.

Robert watched Aaron with wide eyes, the only thing he could think about apart from the fact that tonight might be the night he finally gets to see Aarons body was the need to keep his knees from buckling under his weight at the sight of Aaron before him. After a split second he brain kicked in and he looked back at Aaron, whose face had turned bright red, he was pulling on the hem of his shirt, trying to cover his body and Robert didn’t want that, even though it pained him he’d rather have a fully clothed Aaron than this.

“Aaron,” he took one step closer,

“Get dressed.”

“What?” Aarons face fell in horror,

“I thought this is what you wanted,” he cried, collapsing on his bed, face his is hands, how could he have been so stupid to think Robert wanted him when he couldn’t have him.

Robert knelt down in front of him close enough for Aaron to know he was there.

“Stop this Aaron please.”

The plea in his voice made Aaron look up his red rimmed eyes finding Roberts.

“Oh Aaron,” Robert reached his hand out his eyes locked with Aarons begging him to trust him.

His hand remaining a few inches from Aarons face he traced the outline from cheek to his chin sighing as he did.

“I can tell you don’t want to so clothes it is okay?”

Aaron shook his head,

“It’s just I’ve never…”

“I know and it’s okay, I don’t wanna make you do something you don’t want to Aaron, I can’t…” Robert swallowed around the lump in his throat,

“I can’t lose you not when I could have prevented it.”

Aaron let out a sob and it broke Roberts heart that however much they both wanted him too he couldn’t close the gap between them and wrap his arms around him. All he wanted was to make him feel safe and loved but for now all he could do was wait; he sat back on his heels.

“I want to,” Aaron whispered after a few minutes, his eyes still cast on his hands his thumb playing with the frayed edges of his dressing.

Robert inhaled sharply at Aarons words.

“Look at me,” he pleaded.

When Aaron finally looked up his eyes were shining from the unshed tears, but the shy smile on his face let Robert know he meant what he said but he still had to ask.

“Are you sure?”

Aaron nodded.

“What me to go first?” Robert enquired, hoping if Aaron saw him he would feel more comfortable.

Aaron bit his lip, he’d imagined what lay behind Roberts shirt every night for weeks now and here he was, kneeling in front of him offering him the chance to see his dreams become reality. All he could do was nod as his teeth sank into his bottom lip.

With his consent Robert climbed back up so he was now standing in front of Aaron and once again he felt like his legs were about to give way. His eyes never left Aarons as he began to unbutton his shirt, his fingers suddenly feeling too big as they clumsily attempted to open the small buttons, he took a deep breath to calm his rapidly beating heart and eventually with one final shrug of his shoulders the shirt fell to the floor.

Blood rushed in Aarons ears as he watched Robert undress before him. As the _V_ of his shirt became wider Aaron noticed the same brown freckles on his chest that spread across the bridge of his nose. 

Roberts fingers slid into the waistband of his jeans and with his eyes still focused on Aaron he popped the one, two, three, four buttons held his jeans in place, and with a shimmy of his hips they too fell to the floor. He stepped out of them, briefly breaking their eye contact to kick them on top of Aarons and when his eyes returned to Aaron he suddenly felt exposed in a way he’d never felt before as their gazes locked. Without another word Robert walked to the opposite side of the bed and laid down on his side, propping himself up on his elbow so he could see Aaron who had now twisted on the bed so his naked thigh was at a ninety degree angle to the rest of his body.

Robert smiled softy at Aaron and patted the bed gently adding,

“Only if you want.”

Aarons heart hammered in his chest as he stood up from the bed his hands once again on the hem of his t shirt but this time instead of pulling down, with a deep breath he pulled the black material up and over his head. His face was once again burning and his bottom lip had not left his teeth since nodding his permission at Robert. however looking at Robert patiently waiting for him on his bed he knew there was no going back and eying his outstretched hand he released his bottom lip to run his tongue along it, wetting the plump flesh before he asked,

“Can you….”

“Shit sorry,” Robert replied quickly moving his hand back to his side of the bed.

Aaron took another deep breath and copying Roberts body position he crawled on the bed. They lay next to each other, their heated gaze locked, matching smiles spreading across parted lips; Aaron had never felt so much affection for another person before. In this position, Robert just inches away, the ache in his fingertips that was almost constant around Robert was back with a vengeance and he had to clench his hand in order to dissipate it. His breathing was already erratic from their closeness and he could only imagine the series of events that would unfold if he attempted to touch Robert now; the last thing he wanted to do right now was have a panic attack.


	21. Twenty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penultimate chapter, this is one of my faves please let me know what you think about it :)

Robert noticed the clenching of Aarons fist and asked his voice barely a above a whisper afraid of the possibility of Aaron running away again,

“Alright?”

Aaron just nodded, unable to trust that his voice wouldn’t betray him.

Satisfied Aaron was okay with his closeness Robert slowly walked his fingers of his free across the bed until they were just an inch from Aarons balled up fist. Aaron let out a breath as he watched Roberts hand get closer and closer but made no attempt to move away. It was then he realised how much he did trust Robert not to touch him, the thought overwhelmed him and he felt the sting of tears in his eyes.

“Hey,” Robert said softly seeing Aarons expression change.

“I’m okay,” Aaron managed around the lump in his throat.

They stayed like that for a while and when Aarons fist finally unclenched Robert knew it was now or never.

“Aaron…”

“Umm,” Aaron mumbled contently staring into the sparkling pools of blue in front of him.

“I want to try something, if you’ll let me,” Roberts voice was dangerously low with lust as he shifted position on the bed.

“What…what are you doing Robert?” Aaron panicked as he felt the bed dip.

“Do you trust me?” Robert asked hopefully.

“Sort of,” Aaron croaked out as Robert shuffled closer on his knees repeating his question,

“Do you trust me Aaron?”

“Yes,” Aaron breathed because despite everything he did.

“Lay back and close your eyes,” Robert said his face hovering over Aarons,

“I promise not to touch you okay but I want you enjoy this.”

Aaron chewed on his lip causing Robert to groan wishing he could replace Aarons teeth with his own. Aaron opened one eye at the noise and saw Roberts face was flushed making the freckles on the bridge of his nose stay out in stark contrast to the pinkness of his skin

“Robert I'm…”

“Scared?” Roberts warm breath danced across his skin making him shiver.

Aaron nodded.

“Me too,” he said with that half smile he reserved just for Aaron.

“Why?” Aaron sat up on his elbows not caring he was willingly closing the distance between them.

Robert shrugged because truthfully he didn't know why. Somewhat reluctantly now that Aaron had moved closer he moved down the bed towards Aarons feet as he drew closer to him he sighed, blowing across his skin making Aaron jump.

“What are you doing?”

“Making you feel good,” Robert said and Aaron could hear the smirk in his voice but it did nothing to hammering in his chest.

“But…but….”

“Shh just relax,” Robert soothed and blew another blast of hot air across Aarons right calf and then then his left, moving ever so slowly up his body.

Aaron moaned as he sank back into the bed the sensation on having Robert so close was driving him crazy but in a good way this time, he didn't feel anxious or panicked in fact he almost felt loved, as if Robert was breathing his undeclared love directly onto his skin.

The blast of warm air carried up him making his nerves endings tingle with need. Need he had for only Robert. As Robert crawled up the bed, drawing closer to Aarons boxer covered crotch he leant in a little closer careful not to come into contact with Aaron knowing full well what would happen if he did, but seeing him like this, laid out at his mercy it was being increasingly difficult for Robert to keep his hands to himself. He decided the best thing to do was to kneel over Aaron so he could put his hands in between the crease of his thighs and calves effectively sitting in them to resist the temptation of running his hands over Aarons semi naked body. With his hands secure he leant in again and blew a blast of air just below the material of Aarons boxers first on his left thigh and then the right. He aimed his mouth a little higher, pleased with himself when he saw the bulge in Aarons shorts begin to grow.

Robert inhaled deeply, savouring the scent of Aaron, musk of Lynx mixed with motor oil and something else he couldn’t quite work out, a scent he had found increasingly more intoxicating every time he was around Aaron. With some effort he peeled his eyes from Aarons growing arousal and carried on his breathy assault across his stomach blowing a flurry of air up the dark treasure trail watching as Aarons muscles clenched under his attention. Aarons skin prickled in its wake spreading the fire he felt for Robert throughout his veins his features contorting as he felt the burn of Roberts gaze on his torso knowing he’d found the marks that matched the ones on his wrists but when he opened his eyes he found Roberts face above his, the blondes tongue running over his parted lips making Aaron breath hitch at the back of his throat. They were as close as two people could be without physically touching the heat from Roberts body consuming Aaron theirs breath mingling as they both trembled uncontrollably the heat emanating from Roberts skin causing Aaron to hyperventilate.

“Aaron?” Robert questioned softly when he noticed acutely aware of Aarons breathing.

“I…I just…”

“I know,” Robert whispered pulling back slightly giving Aaron the room he needed to catch his,

“Sorry.”  

“Don’t,” Aaron rushed out.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Robert reassured him.

“Good,” Aaron breathed.

“I want you Aaron,” Robert groaned as he stretched out beside him the gap between them just mere centimetres as he adjusted himself in his boxers.

“I know,” Aaron exhales his eyes following the path of the body so close to his looking down to where Roberts hand his moving in slow circles over a bulge that matched Aarons own.

Robert opened his eyes when he felt Aarons warm raspy breath across his face he hadn’t realised he moved into him. Abandoning his arousal he focused on Aarons breathing silently assessing him alarmed when he heard him gasp.

“Aaron,” he warned.

This close Roberts breath was infused with mint his skin warm and inviting, scented with the leather of his jacket and something else that Aaron had learnt was Robert and Robert alone.

“I want to pretend,” he whispered,

“I want to pretend I could.”

Roberts breath hitched in the back of his throat,

“You don’t have to pretend,” they were so close Robert could feel Aarons breath in his mouth and all it would take was for one of them to tilt their heads slightly and they would be connected something they both desperately wanted but just at the last second when Robert thought his heart was about to burst out of his chest Aaron pulled back.

“I can’t.”

“Try,” Robert pleaded softly.

“I…”

“Aaron,” Robert moaned softly and he ached to pull his lip from in between his teeth or even better replace Aarons teeth with his own.

“This is gonna be harder than I thought.”

“Oh,” was all Aaron could manage suddenly feeling vulnerable in a way he’d never experienced before,

“D-do you want to leave?”

“Never,” Robert let out without thinking and it was true, he never wanted to leave Aarons side,

“Besides this is your bedroom.”

“Yeah, right,” Aaron let out a small laugh which seemed to ease the tension that has built up between them.

Shifting slightly Robert once again leant on his elbow as he watched Aarons tongue flick out of his mouth moistening his parted lips his eyes cast down trained on Roberts groin but Robert couldn’t take his eyes off his boyfriends lips as he own tongue responds mirroring Aarons movements but there was something he needed to know, now his mind was little clearer with some distance between them, about the marks on Aarons body the same ones that are scattered across his wrists. 

“Explain it to me.”

The sound of Roberts voice dragged Aarons eyes up from Roberts tented shorts not sure what he was asking.

“These,” Robert reached out tracing the air above Aarons wrists with his fingers his eyes wondering down to the similar marks adorning his chest.

“Oh,” Aarons face crumpled he was stupid to think Robert wouldn’t notice.

“Don’t,” Robert begged under his breath as he felt Aarons retreat,

“Earlier you said your dad…”

Aaron sank back onto the bed to look up at the ceiling.

“I did okay, I mean kids get cuts and scrapes all the time right?”

“But…,” Robert wanted to know why,

“Did you…?”

“No, not at first but…,” he sucked in a lung full of air and let it out slowly, he needed to tell Robert the truth,

“But I notices when I did I hurt, this didn’t, and it helped, still does I guess, it makes everything clearer for a few minutes.”

“You know you don’t have to do that anymore, I’m…I’m not gonna let you.”

“Like you can stop me,” Aaron muttered defensively his heart aching at Roberts declaration.

“Aaron…” Roberts voice broke but he didn’t look at him.

Robert shifted position to lean over him so that he couldn’t not look at him.

“Aaron.”

Aarons face stretched as if in pain his eyes rimmed red but he wasn’t crying; Robert wondered how long he’d been carrying this, his heart thudded inside his chest as he asked,

“Did you do it on purpose?”

“I don’t know what to say,” Aaron answered his voice barely above a whisper.

“The truth.”

Aaron held his gaze until he couldn’t his eyes wonder above his head as he sucked in his bottom lip, he’d never tried to explain it to someone else before but there Robert was again knocking down the penultimate wall around his heart.

“N-no I didn’t but I can’t promise it wouldn’t happen again.”

“Then come and find me I’ll always be there because….”

Aaron sucked in a breath Robert was about to tell him.

“Just find me okay?” Robert sighed as he lay back down.

Aaron forehead creased as he wondered why Robert hadn’t said what he thought he was going to, that he loved him, he knew he did, just as he loved Robert but maybe it was time for him to show him that he trusted him so he took a deep breath and copied Robert earlier position, coming to his knees his face looming over Roberts as he whispered,

“Stay still.”

“Aaron,” Robert inhaled sharply.

“Just I wanna try something,”

“Aaron what…”

“Sshhh,” Aaron silenced him, the tingling in his fingers reaching a crescendo as they hesitated over Roberts lips causing the older man to hold his breath.

Aarons cheeks were flamed red his breath coming is short sharp rasp and with his fingers now burning with need he reached his hand out to caress Roberts face, he was so close Robert could almost taste the sweat on his palm, but at the last second he dropped his hand and sighed,

“I can’t,” flopping back down onto the bed in frustration, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to; he just couldn’t cross that mental barrier.

“It’s okay,” Robert tried to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“It’s not,” Aaron cried softly his arm shielding his eyes.

“How about I try?”

“What?”

“Just…do you trust me?” Robert asked sincerely.

Aaron didn’t even have to think about the answer,

“Yes.”

“Then close your eyes,” Robert smiled down at him.

“Robert….”

“I’m not gonna hurt you,” Robert promised giving him that half smile that usually made Aarons heart melt but this close it kicked his heart rate up a notch with fear of the unknown but he trusted Robert and knew he would never hurt him.   

“I know,” he let out a shaky breath.

“Then close your eyes,” Robert repeated.

Aarons heart was ready to burst out of his chest at the anticipation of Roberts touch and when it didn’t come he began to open his eyes until he felt Roberts breath across the back of his neck

“Keep them closed,” Robert instructed.

“Robert…”

“Shh,” Robert uttered his words blowing across Aarons skin.

“I’m gonna run my finger down your arm,” Robert watched as Aarons body tensed from his words,

“Try to relax, I promise nothing bad will happen.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Aarons voice trembled petrified of how his body might reaction to Roberts touch.

“You ready?”

“No,” Aaron answered honestly clenching his fists tightly.

Robert reached out and brushed a single finger down the length of Aarons forearm his own breathing swallow as he finally touched Aarons skin. He felt Aaron stiffen at his touch but he didn’t move away. The tingling in Aarons fingers that he was so used to now in Roberts presence moved up his arm as warmth of Roberts touch spread through him, his teeth sank into his bottom lip as he fought the urge to pull away, it felt wrong for Robert to touch him but it also felt so right. Robert leant into his body so they were just millimetres apart his breath was coming in raspy waves and the smell of him overwhelmed Aarons senses.

“Stop,” he sobbed as he shuddered.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have…” Robert dropped his hand from Aarons arm but didn’t pull back instead he found Aarons eyes with his surprised to see the deep blue pools ablaze with lust that matched his own.

“I wanted you too, I still do I just…”

“Slow,” Robert guessed.

“Slow,” Aaron breathed out on the verge of tears that Robert knew exactly what he needed.

“How about I start here?” Robert lifted his hand up to Aarons face, this thumb tracing the outline of Aarons jaw,

“Okay?”

Aaron just nodded swallowing hard as he eyes fell to Roberts lips and back up again he wasn’t sure how to voice his need for Robert so he stared up into his eyes hoping he could see how much he wanted him to close the distance between them. Roberts tongue flicked out wetting his bottom lip and he was sure he felt a moan escape Aarons mouth as he did so. Aaron could feel the tension in Roberts body as he moved into him making the adrenaline already running through his veins spike. Was this really about to happen?

“Are you sure?” Robert exhaled the words on Aarons skin.

Aaron nodded once as his eyes fluttered closed willing his body to behave as Roberts face filled his vision his eyes fluttering closed at the anticipation of his first kiss but instead of Roberts lips on his he felt them lightly brush against the stubble on his burning cheek and it was enough to make his body tense all over as his blood throbbed in his ears. Robert felt the tension and reluctantly pulled his mouth away from Aarons face. Aaron let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding as he looked down at Roberts plump lips, lips that had just touched his skin and nothing bad had happened. As ever cell in his body sang with want he surged forward but just before he could connect his mouth to Roberts he felt a blast of air on the back of his legs as his bedroom door opened.

“Aaron love Paddy and I…….what the…”

“Mum!”

Robert blinked a few times before he registered Chas’ presence,

“Shit!”

Aaron jumped from the bed scrambling to pull on his clothes throwing Roberts at him.

“Mum I can….”

But she’d already turned on her heels slamming the door behind her.

“Don’t,” Robert pleaded for Aaron not to leave him but it was too late he was already running after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sad this is coming to an end, I just hope I have done it justice!


	22. Twenty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys - I am so nervous about this, the response to this fic have been overwhelming so I just hope this chapter brings you everything you wanted!
> 
> I just want to take this opportunity to thank each and every single one of you, the support for this story has been incredibly touching, it really does mean the world! So as much as thank you doesn't seem enough its all I have so............
> 
> THANK YOU!!!

“Mum I can explain,” Aaron cried as he raced down the stairs after her but she slammed the door in his face leaving him cursing himself and more importantly Robert who was still pulling a t shirt that looked suspiciously like the one he had thrown on as he climbed down the stairs.

“Aaron…”

“Just go Robert,” Aaron pleaded in frustration as he paced in front of the closed back room door.

“What?!”

“I can’t do this now…” Aaron stressed running has hand down his face.

“Aaron please don’t put them back up not now.”

“Put what back up?” Aaron snapped his head towards Robert.

“The…..,” Robert hesitated,

“Your walls not after….” Roberts eyes flitted back up the stairs.

“Is that all you can think about? My mum just……caught us,” Aaron hissed his face flaming.  

“So what?” Robert remarked the only thing he cared about right then was the potential of Aaron running away from him again.  

“So what?” Aaron repeated in horror, his mum had just walked in on them half naked; so what?

Roberts palm began to sweat, could feel that he was losing him and without being able to physically hold him he just started rambling in the hopes it made sense, he couldn’t lose Aaron not now and he couldn’t risk him walking through the door without him knowing exactly how he felt.

“You’re my best friend Aaron.”

“What?! Really?” Aaron was stunned by Roberts sudden outburst.

“Really,” Robert gave him that half smile,

“And yes I may want to rip your clothes off every time I see you but can you blame me your gorgeous.”

“W-what?!?”

But Robert ignored him and carried on,

“But I'm not an animal, I can control myself can't I, I've been doing it since the moment I met you.”

“You have?” Aaron shook his head in confusion, he should be worried about what his mum and Paddy where plotting behind the door but instead he couldn’t stop gaping at Robert.

Robert swallowed thickly and nodded,

“Yes, out there in the bar, you ran away when….when I smiled at you.”

“Oh,” Aaron thought he’d done a good job at covering his feelings that night, apparently not.

“You felt it too didn’t you?” Robert asked his face full of hope.

“I felt it but this...I...me....I can't be enough for you,” Aaron looked down at his hands.

“Don't you get it Aaron?” Robert cried.

“Get what?”

“I love you,” Robert finally admitted out loud the three words he’d held back for weeks.

“You...?” Aaron gasped he knew Robert felt for him, he’d even said he was falling for him but someone as perfect as Robert couldn’t possibly be in love with him, could they?

“I love you,” Robert repeated.

“I……what?”

“I love the way you drink out of the carton when you think no one is looking,” Robert laughed having caught him doing just that a few mornings ago in the garage.   

“I love the way you let me into your life when the people closest to you advised against it. I love the way you chew your lip when you’re nervous, or shy, or afraid to say what’s on your mind,” he pointed up at Aaron,

“Like you’re doing right now.”

“I love the way you can make me smile just by thinking about you. I love the way I feel when I’m with you Aaron because it feels right, in here,” Robert said a his palm flat against his chest, over his heart,

“And I can’t imagine my life without you in it, and I’m afraid if you go through that door I’ll never see you again.”

“You love me?” Aaron whispered.

“Yes,” Robert hissed as exhaled,  

“So you can push me away but I'm not going anywhere, I’ll take what I can get Aaron because you’re worth it.”

“I'm not Robert I'm not,” Aaron cried as he felt the last imaginary wall around his heart begin to crumble.

“You are Aaron, I don't care about anything else, the physical stuff yes I'll miss it but I got two hands same as you,” Robert winked causing the younger mans blush, which he seemed to be an almost constant occurrence whenever Robert was around, to deepen.

“And we can do things….” he emphasised the last word, making it sound so sultry that Aaron had to adjust himself,

“Like we just….”

Aaron sighed at the memory,

“But my mum…” Aaron sucked his bottom lip into his mouth.

“We can deal with that if you want,” Robert pointed to the closed door behind Aaron stepping closer making Aarons back hit the door.  

“I love you Aaron.”

“Stop saying that,” Aaron whispered his breath hitching in the back of his throat.

“It’s true,” Robert gave him his best half smile, the one that took Aarons breath away,

“And I think you love me too.”

“I…..”

“What do you want Aaron?” Robert asked softly so close to him that all Aaron could smell, could taste, could feel, was the rapid beat of his heart and Robert.

Suddenly he didn’t want to leave, he wanted Robert and he wanted him now. 

“Kiss me.”

“What?” Robert automatically backed away finding Aarons eyes with his, eyes that were ablaze with want and dare he say it, love.

“I want you to kiss me Robert,” Aaron reiterated his voice husky and not just from his shortness of breath.

“Are you sure?”  

“No,” Aaron replied honestly every instinct in his body telling him to connect his fist with Roberts face, but his mind and the tingling in his fingers that was quickly spreading up through his arms told him he wanted to connect himself to Robert in a different way entirely.

“But…”

“Just kiss me please,” Aaron begged while he still have to nerve to.

“Aaron…”

“Please Robert please.”

Robert shifted closer tentatively closing the gap between them his hand coming up towards Aarons face his eyes searching for permission to touch him but this time as much as the anticipation was drumming through Aarons chest there was no hitching of his breath as his eyes locked with Roberts tilting his chin up to meet Roberts lips closing the remaining distance between them welcoming his touch inhaling sharply as he felt Roberts knuckles brush against his jaw then sighing as once again the scent of mint overwhelmed him. It was Robert whose breathing changed the closer he got to Aarons mouth, coming in raspy gasps and he moaned as his lips grazed lightly against Aarons, it was such a delicate kiss he wasn’t sure if he imagined it or not so to make it real he dragged his tongue along Aarons bottom lip before pressing into his mouth again only pulling back when he felt Aarons tears.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered softly his hand coming up to cup Aarons cheek brushing away the wetness of Aarons tears with the pad of his thumb his pained expression making Aarons heart ache,

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“You didn’t..” Aaron choked back a sob as he finally felt free from the walls around his heart; unbeknownst to him Robert had managed to break them all down.

“Then what’s all this?” Robert worried he’d pushed too far.

“I….I love you.”

“Aaron,” Robert gasped as his heart jumped out of his chest at Aarons words.

“It’s true I’ve never…” Aaron started only for Robert to finish with a simple,

“I know,” because he did he couldn’t explain it either, but ever since that first look he’d felt something ignite within him.

He stepped back giving Aaron some room but the young mechanic had other ideas.

“Hold still,” Aaron breathed out.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Robert promised breathing the words across Aarons skin but as he did as he was instructed every nerve in his body screamed with need to grab hold of Aaron and never let him go.

Aaron stepped into Robert his heart hammering in his chest, the taste of Robert lingering on his lips making him feel dizzy the need to reach out and touch him again so strong his fingers ached with it making them itch but it was his lips he was after now, the need to feel Roberts breath mingling with his own was almost unbearable. His gaze dropped to the older mans lips chewing nervously on his own before flicking his tongue out wetting the plump flesh automatically, the action enough to cause Robert to moan again the sound dragging Aarons eyes back up to the sparkling blue that had affected him so much that first night. He reached up on his tiptoes and softly pressed his mouth to Roberts the act so tender Robert almost felt guilty as he resisted the urge to deepen it. Aaron withdrew his lips with a gasp the sound causing Roberts stomach to drop so in tuned to Aarons breathing and what it meant he began to pull away thinking they’d gone too far but Aarons voice stopped him.

“Let’s do this then…,” he indicated to the closed door behind them where they both knew Chas awaited,

“Together,” Aaron uttered as he reached down; taking a deep breath he slid a shaking hand into Roberts sticky palm interlocking their fingers.

Roberts eyes drop to their joined hands.

“Aaron…” he exhaled in disbelief as he felt a surge of warmth travel up his arm from Aarons touch.

“This…er…this is okay right?” Aaron asked shyly his casting his eyes to the floor.

“Yes,” Robert gave him the half smile squeezing lightly feeling the residual tension leave Aarons body before he took a deep breath.

“They aren’t going to like this,” Robert reminded him.  

“But I do and that’s all that matters right?” Aaron looked up at Robert through his dark lashes and with that one look manager to dissipate any fear Robert had about facing Aarons parents.

“You ready?” Robert posed taking a deep breath.

“No,” Aaron exhaled letting out a nervous chuckle.  

Robert was inclined to agree but with Aarons hand in his he finally felt like he belonged somewhere and that was right by Aarons side so he could handle a few death stares from Chas if it meant he got Aaron. He turned to face his boyfriend, his free hand on the door,

“I love you,” he repeated again to reassure Aaron who looked at him with a smile that melted his heart saying the three little words he’d never expected to say let alone have said to him,

“I love you,” and with another deep breath they pushed open the door to face the wrath of Chas and Paddy together, hand in hand which was enough to halt the heated debate stopping whatever words came next as the realisation of their connected hands swept through the room.

Chas didn’t have to like it but from what she saw and the way they looked now hands adjoined a sight she never thought she’d see she had no choice but to accept that her son, Aaron Dingle, was in indeed love with Robert Sugden.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The general plan of this fic was to have them touch, thats what it was all building to, and now they have, not only that but kissed as well, I have no idea where to go with this hence why I have left it here. If you have any ideas of what else you would like to see I am up for suggestions, so please leave a comment or get in touch on tumblr (starkidsarah) 
> 
> Thank you again <3


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